I am a ‘born in the covenant’ fourth generation pioneer heritage Mormon, with polygamists on both sides of the family tree. I held every important priesthood leadership calling as a youth, was on the Logan High School Seminary Council, served an honorable and successful (above average baptisms and a six-month assignment as Branch President) mission to Belgium and France 1977-79. During the years following my mission I served as Elders Quorum President four times, served as a stake missionary and in the Stake Mission Presidency, was a ward membership clerk, and scoutmaster for 6 years.
I worked diligently with my son to help him earn his Eagle Scout rank. I also taught Primary, Sunday school, Elders quorum, High Priests group, and Gospel Doctrine classes. Many ward members were guessing that I would be the next Bishop when in fact I was becoming increasingly uncomfortable attending church each Sunday. I was finding that Sunday was rapidly becoming the most dishonest day of my week. Life is full of irony.
Many things had troubled me about Mormonism over the years. The first one was the central concept of the infinite and eternal atonement. Christ didn’t just suffer for the sins of the inhabitants of the earth, he suffered for everyone everywhere, in every world throughout the galaxy – the atonement was both infinite and eternal. So, people in other worlds like our earth, would have different scriptures describing an extra-terrestrial named Jesus, who would suffer for the sins of the people, but would never live on their own world. Jesus was sent to our earth because we had, here on our earth, the most cruel people in the galaxy, the only ones that were wicked enough to crucify the sinless Son of God.
I took issue with the infinite and eternal atonement doctrine for several reasons. First, there was the probability aspect. I was already reeling with the improbability of my selection to be born in a special time, a special promised land, to special parents, in the only true religion. I was chosen in the pre-mortal life due to my extreme valiance against incredible odds. The flattery was transparent and did not sit well with me, it seemed too contrived. Now, I had to factor in an astronomical improbability about how this earth was special above all other worlds. It just didn’t work for me. There comes a time for every individual when the story becomes, like the proverbial fisherman’s tale – too tall. I had reached my limit.
Secondly, the people in other worlds would not be able to relate to the story of Jesus, the Jewish culture and Roman rule, or have a chance to visit the Holy Land and see the landscape of history. This was not fair; it just seemed that God’s plan would not put people in other worlds in such a dreary condition. People in other worlds would have their most honored hero an extra-terrestrial and not even part of their civilization. This was nonsensical and offended my intellect. Surely somebody was mistaken. I anxiously awaited clarification – I felt in my heart of hearts that there would come a day when this doctrine would be expounded upon and brought back into the realm of reasonableness. I waited for 30 years for somebody to help me understand this or correct it to no avail.
Another major issue for me was the Mark Hofmann affair. Here was a guy that had easily duped the Lord’s anointed, which was not a big deal, but the part that was very disconcerting was that the documents bought by high-ranking church authorities were being purchased primarily to keep them hidden. Why would they need to do that? Surely the true church has nothing to hide. This made no sense. Something was definitely amiss here; I could feel it in my gut.
I buried these troubling concerns deep inside and tried to keep them suppressed. For some, this can work for a lifetime, but ultimately it did not work for me. These issues and others (polygamy, dark skin curse doctrine, etc.) eventually began to surface and I became increasingly uncomfortable with my core beliefs. The desire to know the truth at whatever cost finally outweighed the desire and need to believe and belong at about age 45. I eagerly began to study. I wrote book reports, I recorded trends and patterns, and I immersed myself in books.
(CONTINUED)
Visit “Ex Mormon Scholars Testify” to finish reading Lyndons story.
Please click here to see Lyndons summary of the issues and why he left the church.
Lyndon is the author of “Standing for Something More”. You might enjoy his video presentations entitled “Destructive Mind Control” and “Chased out of Mormonism”. These resources and more can all be found by clicking here.
Lyndon displays such emotion in this clip. These people are opening up their hearts and baring their souls to anyone who will listen.
I hope that this campaign will continue as long as it takes for faithful Mormons to see the truth that is right before their eyes before they waste the rest of their lives in subservience to a lie.
These people are so courageous and it is obvious that they feel sorrow – not because they are sinful but because people believe them to be.
Keep up the good work. People need to see and hear. Someone should send them to the Mormon Church, just in case they care why they are losing members in droves.
The gospel of Jesus Christ is perfect. I have never felt more peace or more joy in my life than when I am living it to the fullest. I have heard people say before that even if The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is not true it is the best way that they have ever found to live their lives. Not only do I know from trial and error that it is the best way to live ones life, I know in my heart and soul the witness that has been born to me of it’s truthfulness. I will never deny that fire I felt burning within me as I read the Book of Mormon cover to cover for the first time at the young age of 22. It is a memory that will be forever seared in my soul and I will never forget it as long as I live.
I was in exactly the same place 10 years ago. A 100% home teacher, scout-master, regular temple attendance, regular scripture study, the whole deal. I felt I was the happiest I had ever been. This is a universal occurrence for religionists, and you and I have experienced this first hand.
Steven Hassan, an ex-Moonie describes his joy as a Moonie in similar language. As a Moonie, one was taught that the purest joy came through suffering as Jesus suffered. So the more one suffered through exhaustion, pain, sleep deprivation, etc., the purer and sweeter the joy. Hassan says he felt the happiest he had ever been, until he fell asleep while driving and landed in the hospital, where his parents were able to intervene and get therapy for the cultism. Looking back, Hassan realizes that the joy he experienced was tied to his cult identity – the identity created and nurtured by the cult was taught how and when to feel joy. The authentic Hassan had been sufficiently supressed such that the cult identity had taken control of all emotions and thought processes.
Looking back on my experience in Mormonism, I see a parallel. Happiness is promised to those who are faithful, who attend church, serve valiantly, go to the temple regularly, pray, study scriptures, and so forth. Since I did those things, the cult Lyndon was extremely happy. The authentic Lyndon was almost gone and lost forever at age 45. Luckily I managed to see through the illusions of Mormonism in time to find authentic joy. Of course, I thought I had the purest authentic joy as a Mormon, but this authentic life I am living now works much better for me. I am not saying it will one day be the best for you, but I would recommend that you don’t slam the door on the possibility.
The certainty you describe is troublesome. I have also had that searing burning in the bosom as I read the Book of Mormon at age 17 – I know exactly of what you speak. Make no mistake, the truth test taught to you is unreliable and classic circular reasoning. Millions have had similar feelings regarding the stories of Paul H Dunn, which turned out to be fabrications. Hundreds of millions describe a similar burning in the bosom or searing feeling as they studied other religious works and have aligned themselves to all sorts of religions throughout the world. There are simply too many false positives of the truth test to consider it reliable in any way. Factor in the huge body of evidence contradicting the claims of the BoM (see MormonThink.com for a good and balanced summary) and the dubious method of ‘translation’, the nature of the ‘testimonies’ of the three and eight witnesses,… and well, I could go on about the Book of Abraham, Joseph Smith marrying other men’s wives, and on and on…(MormonThink has good summaries) but the point is this: there is no room for certainty in believing the claims of Mormonism. Certainty leads to fanaticism and all its ills. Certainty fueled the crusades, certainty built the Nazi concentration camps, certainty killed Jesus, certainty piloted airplanes into the World Trade Center towers. Beware the person who is certain of the will of God.
I work in a similar field as a pilot. I was always amazed that my coworkers could practice and teach science every day as flight instructors, but then blanketly reject science in their religion (eg. the earth’s age, the many scientific errors in the BOM, etc). Thanks for keeping us safe!
I am glad that people find peace in the religion, and if that is their means than so be it. I couldn’t be a part of a religion that didn’t allow blacks to be a member until 1975, that continues to treat women as second class citizens, and that leaves so many questions as you so wonderfully laid out unanswered. The blindness is staggering.
I am humbled by your strength to ask those questions that so many others refuse to. To open your mind for a moment and honestly question. If the church IS the right answer than asking why Joseph Smith did the things he did (such as sleeping with married women, and believing in polygamy) won’t destroy someone’s true faith. But they refuse to even ask. Thank you for doing what others can’t.
I watched your youtube videos and really appreciate your straightforward approach. Your story rings so familiar among so many Mormons and ex Mormons.
Thanks
I love your story Lyndon it is one of the first I properly watched 3 years ago when my journey began. You are such a good example of a very together ‘no longer mormon’ I am excited by your true self discovery. You resonated with me then as you do now, your strength and integrity is so apparent when you talk. I really hope that many are prompted by your words to just peak behind the curtain of the lds church. It is all a very slow progression for me. I know Mormonism is a fraud now but I don’t really know what to do with the rest of my life. I still feel that empty hole. Perhaps it’s because I am still living an essentially Mormon life without attending church. I’m still programmed to value all the old Mormon traditions but without the bogus doctrine. I would never want Mormonism back neither do I wish I didn’t know what I know, but I do need to make the next step out of my old self. Thank you for alerting me to this!
Disgusted