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Eva

“My name is Eva and I finally, completely, love myself.”

In April of 2005 I married a wonderful returned missionary in the Temple. We had a good Mormon marriage and did all the things we were supposed to. We were faithful and obedient.

In January of 2007 he told me about how he had started looking into the origins of the church. He had started reading the history and because of many accounts and facts which were never taught to us, was starting to have doubts. I was horrified because anyone that really truly understands LDS doctrine knows that if your spouse doesn’t live the standards, you can’t be with them forever. There is some clause about possibly keeping them regardless but it is a gamble for the eternities; you can’t drag someone to “heaven.”

By April of that year it became abundantly clear to me that my husband had lost his belief in the LDS faith. I started talking to my bishop about what to do with the situation. I started asking questions myself and got his parents involved and also made the situation known to my family.

Everyone hoped for the best; we all wanted to keep hoping that my husband would see the error of his questioning ways and pray “for real,” after which he would of course get his testimony back. He did pray for real, he did give it a real shot, and nothing. He was sincere, and I couldn’t understand why he was not getting the answer he was supposed to. I was shocked and by then was having panic attacks regularly because this man was in essence, immediately or at some point in time before the eternities, going to destroy my marriage and my eternity with him.

It was horrible and I wouldn’t want anybody to go through what I did — a true nightmare.

My stake president told me that likely my husband was hooked on porn which made my situation undesirable and inhospitable for future babies. But he didn’t say the words “leave him”.

My bishop also had concerns about possible porn addiction (not at all the issue) and that there was possibly likely any number of issues as well as porn addiction. Heaven forbid that Joe was actually reading the history of the church and was actually having doubts for legitimate reasons. I told him that I had decided to leave, and in a blessing he told me that I had made the right decision. But he didn’t say the words “leave him”.

My parent’s bishop told them to bring their daughter home, to get her out of there. Their stake president also didn’t say to have her “leave him” but you get the idea.

Not a single leader asked Joe why he was having doubts, or even if he really was having doubts for justifiable reasons. They weren’t interested. They’re trained not to expose themselves to facts that might rattle their convictions.

In the temple one day, I made my final decision when in a blessing finally I was told to “leave him” by God apparently.

So I left. December 2007.

This was a decision that was indeed often made and encouraged during the formation and exodus eras of the early church. Strangely, staying with good but apostate spouses was unacceptable, but Joseph Smith marrying and sharing his bed with girls as young as 14 and women who had living husbands was.

I thought of going back after the divorce was final but my bishop at the time told me to not get back together with him. Essentially, his reason was that happiness and the opportunity for a good family life take a back seat to whether or not the marriage will be sanctioned by God. I have seen plenty of God-fearing LDS marriages that lack happiness and are not an ideal place for children for a number of reasons. This is an issue and a tragedy.

Anyone who does have faith in this church might look at the paragraphs above and wonder how I can discount apparent blessings and prayers and counsel from the highest sources and instead be with this man.

Well, he is a good man; a man I shouldn’t have left. The counsel I received was from good people, but I refuse to believe any loving higher power would have wanted me to suffer the pain of a divorce and leave what was going to be a good family and would have been so out of the loop of who this guy really was as to tell me to leave.

More than that, I’ve never been happier in my entire life. I never felt the kind of love before that I now feel for Joe, for myself, and for other people in general. There is no ulterior motive in any of my relationships; Joe is not going to be my partner in Godhood someday and so I’m quite happy with the kind of human being that he is. I’m extremely surprised about my level of openness to people now that I don’t feel I have to convert them or suffer the torment of knowing I could have given them the pass-along card but didn’t.

It’s been a year and a half since I left the church and I feel that I have learned more about life and about the world I live in during that time than during the 20-something years before leaving. I have gained a respect for nature that was impossible when I believed that humans had dominion over animals and plants and that everything was created for human use and consumption; I have found humility in knowing that I am connected not only to the food I eat and the animals I interact with through DNA and common ancestry, but I am a part of the universe, “stuff of the stars” as Carl Sagan puts it, living on “a mote of dust suspended in a sunbeam.” Knowing that this time on this rock is all I get is at once a relief and a challenge to use it for what it’s worth not waiting for the end of this life to fully appreciate my existence.

And I finally, completely, love myself. That alone might be worth everything.

I’m not perfect, but I’m a damned good great ape that loves life, sees it for what it is and is busy enjoying it to the fullest! I’m Eva and I’m an ex-Mormon.

Resources that Eva found helpful in her journey:
www.TED.com
www.fairlds.org
www.mormondialogue.org
www.postmormon.org
www.josephsmithpapers.org
www.sciencedaily.com
www.lds.org
National Geographic Channel

Books Eva found helpful:
Rough Stone Rolling – Richard Bushman
The Demon-Haunted World – Carl Sagan
In Sacred Loneliness – Todd Compton

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February 12th, 2011 at 1:17 pm

I love happy endings!

Jean
February 12th, 2011 at 1:35 pm

I’m so glad that you were able to say, “I was wrong”. This is a real problem with people of rigid belief systems; black means white is wrong and white means black is wrong. You are now able to be with your beloved Joe on his and your terms; not those of some men in SLC or in a bishop’s office who should have no say in the matter.

Be happy Eva; love life; love Joe and move on. I too love a happy ending, but it is not the ending this is the start of something wonderful. I am so happy for you.

February 12th, 2011 at 2:12 pm

Rephrase: I love happy beginnings!

grace
February 3rd, 2016 at 6:43 pm

it is our choice the happiness we have today will compensate on thre next life after death.

Trent
February 12th, 2011 at 1:38 pm

Eva, I loved your story. I can identify with it in so many ways. Just last night I was thinking to myself how happy I was as I was driving home from a get together with some of my friends. I was thinking how good it feels to finally be me and to be able to accept others for who they really are. Since I became an exmormon, I have never felt more unique, fullfilled, and excited about being ALIVE as I do now. Thank you for Sharing!!!! ^_^

February 12th, 2011 at 1:45 pm

Love, love, love your story! Good luck moving forward!

Michelle
February 12th, 2011 at 1:48 pm

I love your story. It resonates on so many levels. My favorite part is how you and Joe were able to pick up the pieces and move on. You’re story is so powerful because i think anyone leaving Mormonism has to pick up the pieces and move on, whatever their circumstances. I wish both happiness and joy in your new life together. Thanks for sharing this beautiful story.

February 12th, 2011 at 1:57 pm

The Way to see by Faith, is to shut the Eye of Reason: The Morning Daylight appears plainer when you put out your Candle. – Benjamin Franklin.

What I got our of your Story Eva is that at first you were fearful and relied on your faith in your church leaders and parents to do the thinking for you. You shut your eye to the reason that your husband tried to share with you. When you had sunk to such a low, then when you felt that your faith had let you down, you turned to reason and with courage faced the truth, the evidence, the facts, the history. When you put your intellectual laziness aside, then you were able to come out of the shadows of blindness and see the brighter light and reality. Having done so you now can see and understand that while the Mormon Church encouraged you to let your light so shine like a candle, in reality the church kept you in the dark!

Congratulations on seeing the sunrise in your life and the joy, peace and love that comes from embracing honesty and integrity while beginning to live an authentic life after mormonism

Katelyn
February 12th, 2011 at 2:17 pm

Beautiful story. Isn’t amazing how we, as women are so programmed to believe our eternities are ruined because we no longer have a “worthy” priesthood holder in our home? We are so willing to live this life in complete sadness all for the hopes of living an eternity that we know nothing about. I can’t even think about the hundreds of times I thought about leaving my own husband for fear my afterlife was ruined. I thought about ruining a beautiful marriage with our 3 kids because I sat in church alone on Sunday, went to the temple alone and felt such horrible pain that I was alone? But yet, I was the one causing the seclusion. The “unworthy” man I had was right there for me. Loving me completely and accepting everything there was about me. I couldn’t do the same for him? Once I realized the only single thing holding back our marriage was the church, it was easy to leave. Our marriage has never been better. Our family has never been stronger. Taking out the single most damaging aspect of our marriage healed something that was never really broken.

February 12th, 2011 at 2:19 pm

Really loved hearing your story, Eva – so happy for you!

Eva
February 12th, 2011 at 2:35 pm

Amazing job with the video Dan!! I LOVE it!!!

Thanks everyone. It’s been a hard road but in the end my life is better for it. I’m glad Joe is the man he is, and that I am with a guy who woke up and caused a raucus rather than a super TBM that never would, and with whom I would end up living a TBM lifestyle, never completely love myself, and never escape from the bondage of the church.

Much love and Ramen!!

Mary
April 14th, 2011 at 9:47 am

Hi Eva!

You are incredible and so is your video. I am working on a television series about relationships and love and am wondering if you might be interested in sharing your story? I’d love to tell you more about the project. If you’re even remotely interested can you email me at relationshipcasting2011@gmail.com.

Thank you,
Mary

Joe schneider
September 22nd, 2014 at 9:02 pm

Wow , I have been gone for about a year or soo , and I find it interesting that you have , above all other things learned to love yourself ! That has been my main experiences myself . The longer I’m out , the more I’m amazed of some of my beliefs. I’m grateful for everyday of my life and for those like you and joe , thanks joe ……. Joe :)

February 12th, 2011 at 2:52 pm

Beautiful! Beautiful!

I considered leaving my husband when he went inactive in 2007, but I’m still with him, and I’m out and he is making his way out. :)

Hms
February 12th, 2011 at 3:10 pm

(This is not a commentary on the story itself, which I thought was wonderful.)

I’ve been really enjoying this series. The background music on this one was really loud and obvious. It make the whole thing feel like it was trying too hard, that it wasn’t trusting her story to carry. The music in the others has been subdued, but this one wasn’t so much. Anyway, I just wanted to pass that along in case it helps with future spots.

Dan Johnson (admin)
February 12th, 2011 at 4:23 pm

Hey HMS, thanks for the feedback. I struggled with the audio on this one- when I put my headphones on, the audio was really loud, and when I used my speakers I could barely hear it. I tried to find a middle ground, but I guess it didn’t work :(

FindingPeace/Donna
February 12th, 2011 at 6:11 pm

Eva,
Your story was so beautiful! I am so happy that you found your way out and reunited with your husband. One of the things I learned on my journey out was that I valued people over organizations. The church emphasizes the organization over the individual.

Good luck as you embrace your authentic life together with your husband!

Natalie
February 12th, 2011 at 6:17 pm

Loved your video Eva! I am so happy for you and also very impressed that you were able to introspect enough to question if you had been wrong. You are beautiful inside and out.

Eva
March 3rd, 2011 at 8:46 pm

Since leaving the church I have realized that true humility cannot be found in religion the way it is abundant in science. Science always leaves the door open for possibility. Theories are always open for discussion, and being proven wrong is a sign of respect, not of weakness.

Dan Stapleton
February 12th, 2011 at 6:42 pm

Eva your story should be made into a movie. It would rival Love Story or any of the others that have been made. Any one out there know a good scrip writter? You have a lot of courage and comon sese. Good luck
Dan

Eva
February 18th, 2011 at 7:47 pm

It’s in the works 😉

Ben
February 12th, 2011 at 7:02 pm

Eva,

I can’t tell you the joy that I felt when you said that you got back with your exhusband as a result of you leaving. Not only do you now get to continue to enjoy the company of someone who seems to fit you well, but you see the world for what it is. Congrats!

Ben

Debbie
February 12th, 2011 at 11:17 pm

Please tell us, are you planning to remarry, or have you already?

Eva
February 18th, 2011 at 7:49 pm

Well, last time from first date to wedding was 4 months, so we’re taking it slow this time. Neither of us are in a rush to have kids and I don’t want to get married until that is our immediate plan.

It’s amazing what happens when people take rational steps in order to decide their future rather than get married in a whirlwind in order to have sex (and fall in love, but really, what is love ;))

Brandon
February 13th, 2011 at 12:38 am

Eva, i’m sorry you feel this way. But i know god is there and i know he loves you. You may not see it but i do. i’m not saying you’ve made bad choices, but i know you know he’s there, and you know he loves you, otherwise you would not have lived by that principle for the twenty years before this occurance. Please do not take offense at this, i am merely trying to relay what i know to be true

Henning
February 13th, 2011 at 2:38 am

First of all, I think Eva made the best choice. The most important is that her marriage works now and not the relationship with a God whose existence nobody knows about.
If you think that you know that there is a God that’s OK. But how do you want to know if any other person knows it? I personally don’t know if there is a God, but I thought for a long time I knew. Anyway, I would never suggest that you know what I know. I would find this disrespectful and ignorant.

Wyatt
February 13th, 2011 at 10:09 am

Brandon,

I know that when you tell someone that you “know that [they] know” something, that it’s far more about convincing yourself that you still know. Does that make sense?

Living the principles doesn’t mean that they are true. There are billions of people who have lived the principles of their varied faiths for 20 years or more, but that devotion does not make the beliefs true. If you were raised all your life to think that the sky was actually purple, and were told that from 18 months of age through young adulthood and a mission, you’d very likely learn to believe, and perhaps even tell others that you “know beyond a shadow of doubt” that the sky is purple. At the end of the day, though, no amount of indoctrination would make that true. It’s still false. And even the most cursory search of the facts would prove that to be so. But many would stay and insist that the sky was still purple, because all of their family and friends and business associates felt the same.

Just food for thought.

Eva, you did the right thing. Congratulations and welcome to the bright and beautiful world of post-mormonism. I am happy for you.

John S
February 17th, 2011 at 2:22 am

Wyatt.

First remark – Saying to someone “know that they know” is not about convincing yourself but more telling/advising the person to look deeper in themselfs.

Second – The principles of the church are there to better ourselfs and others arround us. Find me [one principle] that the church teaches to its members that would make our lifes worse than anyone else in the world… All im asking for is [one].

The thing is, is she chose the selfish answer(I know that sounds rude). But what i believe is she was one of those mormons who dressed up and put on a front when going to church.

Dan Johnson (admin)
February 17th, 2011 at 11:21 am

“First remark – Saying to someone “know that they know” is not about convincing yourself but more telling/advising the person to look deeper in themselfs.”

This may be hard for you to understand, but most of us left the church for the very reason that we looked deeper within ourselves.

“Second – The principles of the church are there to better ourselfs and others arround us. Find me [one principle] that the church teaches to its members that would make our lifes worse than anyone else in the world… All im asking for is [one].”

I think you are misunderstanding what most Ex Mormons believe- I can point out many things that are damaging beliefs, but “worse than anyone else in the world”? Of course not. I look at Scientology and Jehovah’s Witnesses as much more damaging. I look at extremist muslims or terrorists as much more damaging. But we were not a part of those groups and can not speak our truth about them. Those who used to be a part of those groups can speak their own truth. This is ours.

And as far as one damaging belief? How about the belief that masturbation is a sin. Younger males attempting abstinence from masturbation are known to have a higher suicide risk. Males who masturbate are known to have a lower probability of developing prostate cancer. Female Masturbation is known to increase sexual pleasure. It is held in many mental health circles that masturbation can relieve depression and lead to a higher sense of self-esteem. Masturbation can also be particularly useful in relationships where one partner wants more sex than the other – in which case masturbation provides a balancing effect and thus a more harmonious relationship.

“But what i believe is she was one of those mormons who dressed up and put on a front when going to church.”

That’s called the “No True Scotsman Fallacy“.

Celestialbound
February 17th, 2011 at 12:49 pm

John,

Your first remark was also fallacious through the use of the “No true Scotsman” fallacy. It could also be considered a use of a moving target. No matter how much introspection a former member gives, it will never be enough unless they come to the same belief and understanding you do. That is not about thinking deeper but about the believing members inability to understand and realize that others can think and interpret things differently.

Eva
March 3rd, 2011 at 8:49 pm

I wasn’t a fake mormon. I gave up ALOT while I was in the church, and didn’t see obedience as any sort of sacrifice, but rather as a priviledge.

Eva
February 18th, 2011 at 7:51 pm

Hi Brandon,

The reason I lived the Church lifestyle is because children tend to believe what they’re told by their parents, good or bad.

Please research the mating habits of bed bugs and sea lions and tell me if you think a kind creator made this earth.

I wish you the best!

Eva

Roger
February 27th, 2011 at 5:10 pm

Brandon, you’re using the word “know” as if it means something other than being “entirely convinced”. We (myself and those that agree with me) understand that you are entirely convinced, a lot of LDS feel the same way.

We also used to be entirely convinced, and so did Eva. But that is not the same thing as knowledge, it’s just something you believe based on your subjective feelings and subjective interpretations of your experiences.

Sooner or later, many of us encounter objective facts that conflict with those subjective feelings, and we have to make a choice. Reason dictates that we side with the facts over the feelings.

So, getting preachy about your own feelings may seem like the right thing to do for you, but to many of us it comes across as naive, and for you to sit at a distance and try to judge Eva’s mind as though she should still share your feelings comes across as markedly absurd.

LDS Truthseeker
February 13th, 2011 at 7:38 am

This is an awesome video. I really like on how you touch on the reason for disbelief of your ex had to do with studying the church historical issues. Well done!

February 13th, 2011 at 9:52 am

You are absolutely beautiful. Inside and out. Bravo. And, welcome!

Amy
February 13th, 2011 at 1:21 pm

This one made me cry. Thanks for sharing your story, Eva.

Eva
March 3rd, 2011 at 8:49 pm

I am glad that it touched your heart. I know that alot of these videos have helped me feel that I am not alone in this journey out.

Cindy
February 13th, 2011 at 7:07 pm

Just want to say how happy I am for the two of you!! The Mormon church is such a crazy place-I should know-our family spent more than 25 years in it before we had enough courage to leave. Welcome to the real world.

Kristina Nunley
February 16th, 2011 at 8:10 pm

I’m really sorry you feel that way. and I know we all have freedom of speech, but when you said “the Mormon church is such a crazy place” maybe for you it is, but it’s helped me get through so much. And I’m sorry that you had it and left it, because you will be judged for that at the last day…

Celestialbound
February 16th, 2011 at 10:09 pm

Hmmm….a strong statement. What evidence do you have that can withstand scrutiny that there will be such a judgement?

Eva
February 18th, 2011 at 7:52 pm

Then why don’t I feel bad or lost?

I’ve never been happier, more fulfilled, or more at peace with myself or life. If losing all these new joys is what I need to do to go to heaven, I say no thanks.

Akamar
February 14th, 2011 at 7:45 am

:3

Ken
February 14th, 2011 at 7:49 pm

I was so happy to hear that you and Joe ended up together again! Inspiring story, thank you for having the courage to share it with the world.

Mary Taylor
February 15th, 2011 at 10:52 am

What a beautiful story Eva! Perfect for Valentines. 😉
I used to feel so sad for the couples in my ward who didn’t go to the temple together. But my sadness wasn’t the same as the other members… they were sad that the couple weren’t going to be “together forever.” I was sad that the temple and the church itself were coming between the couples love. That is so tragic.
I am so happy that you made your way through it, and back into the arms of your lover.
Now you have an honest and true love. Life is GOOD!

Dan Johnson (admin)
February 15th, 2011 at 2:22 pm

Wow. I am amazed that I didn’t try to release this video for Valentines… it just happened! Good timing on my part! 😉

Hugh Gerection
February 16th, 2011 at 2:00 pm

What a bunch of crap!! YOU made the choice to leave your husband. Take some responsibility for your actions….I guess you’ve learned that it’s easier to blame someone else for your problems and feelings, huh? Someday we’ll find out who was right. You better hope you are.

What a bunch of gay loving hippies!!!!

Dan Johnson (admin)
February 16th, 2011 at 3:30 pm

She sure did make the choice! She followed the counsel of her leaders that she trusted and made a choice based on what she was taught all her life, only to find out that the church was not what it claims to be. So she regretted the choice that SHE made. She left the church, and found greater happiness. This was also her choice, worthy of praise for her integrity and courage, based on new evidence and understanding of the world around her. And she is happier and better off for it. Isn’t it great to be able to make choices for our selves that benefit our own lives and learn from our misguided mistakes?

Kristina Nunley
February 16th, 2011 at 8:06 pm

I’m sorry is all I can say. Okay, I’m glad you’re happy, but I’m sorry for you at the same time. I’m 17, have been a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Later-Day Saints all my life, and i really can’t see it any other way. My mom is a strong church-goer; my dad is inactive, but is still love the church with all my heart. And if I took some of the ways you said it about the church being wrong, you’re wrong, because you threw away so many blessings that you could have had if you listened to and headed the words of the Lord. And I really do hate other people who comment like “I’m so happy for you….I don’t like Mormons…” especially if they never were Mormons. I take pride in my religion, in my faith, in my beliefs, in my testimony, in my knowledge, and I’m okay with others not having the same opinion as me about religion. I could have a whole debate about it and I would most likely win…just saying. But, I mean, we all do have opinions….

Naomi Mitchell
February 16th, 2011 at 8:24 pm

Kristina,
I was also raised in the church and believed it was the only way. I can safely say that I felt sorry also, as I read your response. I feel sorry that anyone (especially someone so young, and with the knowledge of the world at her fingertips everyday) would be so closed minded and judge someone her elder for finding their own truth. You said it best when you closed your statement with “we all do have opinions” because faith and spiritual belief is just that, an opinion. You do not KNOW any answers to cosmic questions that other people don’t know, because you do not have magical powers that allow you to know the truth. Open your mind, even if you remain Mormon your whole life, to realize that your beliefs are just very strong opinions. Opinions and feelings do not dictate truth, so who is to say that your opinion (especially the opinion of such a young person who has experienced very little of what the world has to offer if you’ve been sheltered by the church your whole life) is any more correct than Eva?

Celestialbound
February 16th, 2011 at 10:07 pm

Kristina,

I would be happy to debate about it with you even if you are likely to win 😉 You can go ahead and start.

John
February 17th, 2011 at 2:09 am

she has the right to believe that the church is not true. She has the right to publish what she believes. anyone can be who they want to be, let it be a murderer, pedophile, homosexual, mormon or even just a chritian. the fact is, is she is attacking anothers belief in saying that she is an Ex-Mormon. If she says i do not believe in the church of Jesus Christ is true that is post her belief but in saying “Im an Ex-Mormon” is saying another thing. No Ex-Catholic would ever post i am an Ex-Catholic or muslim or what ever but they will say I am a mormon.

There is something quite off about this Video… And i know you can feel it too…

Now ‘You’ just need to find out what it is.

Amy
February 18th, 2011 at 12:55 am

Hugh:
Your post is a bunch of crap. If you are LDS, you know very well that LDS women are taught that they are NOTHING without a righteous, priesthood holder husband.
I fed into this lie for the first 23 years of my life. It’s a good thing I got over it because I almost didn’t marry my husband because of that lie. I dumped a perfectly great man for no other reason than because he wasn’t a member. That we’re married today is no thanks to the LDS church.
I love how people are indoctrinated for years and years in the church and then when they are unable to get past the indoctrination, people like you accuse them of not being able to think for themselves.
I doubt you’ve been to very many standards nights. And I doubt you’ve experienced the looks and comments of pity given to women in “the ward” who are married to fabulous men who aren’t active in the church or aren’t members. And I doubt very much that you’ve sat in a pew and listened to some pompous windbag from the high counsel give an entire talk about how people who marry “for time” are lesser.
I’ve experienced all these things and I’m here to tell you to STFU and only talk when you know what you’re talking about.

Eva
March 3rd, 2011 at 8:52 pm

You’re awesome Amy!! If we ever happen to hang out in the same zip code, we should do coffee! xo

Amy
February 18th, 2011 at 12:57 am

Kristina:
You’re 17. You’ve had zero life experience and I doubt that you would ever consider it a possibility that the church is false. You’ve wholeheartedly accepted what you’ve been taught all your life. To debate with somebody like you would be futile because you are only interested in sharing your feelings and trying to pass them off as fact.

Lil Jellybean
February 18th, 2011 at 12:57 pm

I think everyone can have opinions.The prophet has said the church is right but the people aren’t always right.it is important to realize we do have free agency speaking of church or not.You and your husband could have worked it out,I know a family in my branch(smaller than a ward but still enough members) that have had difficulties with thier spouses but have pulled through toughing it out.the church never has said if your husband isn’t a priesthood holder he is less.It is strongly advised that he is a priesthood holder becuase there are blessing that come with it.I hope you do not take this to offense this is my opinion and you have yours.I hope you don’t blame the church.everyone is intitled to have there own desicions and you made yours.

Eva
March 3rd, 2011 at 8:53 pm

The prophet also lied on national television. Pres. Hinckley said that polygamy wasn’t “doctrinal”… it’s ALL OVER THE DOCTRINE!! In scripture AND through modern prophets and apostles!!!

Stephany Robinson
February 20th, 2011 at 12:43 am

It’s a beautiful thing to be truly happy inside. I hope you can continue to be happy without encouraging others to be an “Ex-Mormon”. I read your story and I hope the best for you and your family. In my humble opinion, “Families Can Be Together Forever”.

February 20th, 2011 at 5:49 pm

.i am acually offended by this. if you had problems you live with i. you do not turn ON and blame God. tyoucak ANTI mormon thing. *rolls eyes* yes i am mormon not the perfect one but it is amazing. my loving boyfriend is a wikan we are in love yes. i do not blame god. to get divorsed was YOUR choice. blame you not God. honestly.

Dan Johnson (admin)
February 20th, 2011 at 9:19 pm

Jehovah’s Witnesses and Scientologists are regularly offended at those who leave their respective organizations as well. I am curious to know if you would place the same sort of accusations on these people. Are they blaming God in your opinion? I would assume that you wouldn’t be as harsh on them for their choices. Eva was rightfully blaming an organization she trusted to give her divine direction. I do not believe Eva was blaming “God” as you suggest.

Ironically your suggestion to “blame you not God” is one of the problems that I find within the Mormon belief system. The leaders often motivate people to place blame on themselves rather than the system itself. In my opinion, this will often lead to depression and other emotional issues when the system is flawed. You may disagree that the system is flawed. But the video you are commenting on is a perfect example of how this system is not working- encouraging a spouse to divorce is not something that strengthens relationships. Perhaps she could have done as you suggested, and blame herself for her failed marriage. Maybe she wasn’t faithful enough. Maybe she didn’t listen carefully to the spirit when she chose her eternal husband. She certainly could have blamed herself for something that would have caused unnecessary depression and guilt. But, if the foundational claims of the Mormon church are built on falsehood, what would this guilt and blame accomplish? In the end she would be the same as a Jehovah’s Witness, blaming themselves for a failed marriage, when the system itself was the source of the problems. Here is where you can be honest with your self and scrutinize your beliefs to see if they will hold up:
http://www.mormonthink.com

Cameron F
February 21st, 2011 at 5:23 am

You guys are ridiculous. For those of you who are former LDS members or inactive LDS members; Why do you need to form a website called “iamanexmormon?” Really? How naive is that? When you were a member were you posting videos on youtube saying how much you loved the church? Why don’t you show some respect. Seeing sites like this only show us how much power the LDS church is correct.

Look, I am not saying that this church is the only way to make it to heaven, but I am saying that Angel Moroni put it best when he said to Joseph Smith, ” Your name will be known for the good and evil.” Look at all the opposition. Your anti video just furthers the argument the church is right.

I just got back into the church after 2 years of inactivity and it has been the best decision of my life! I know that the church has God as the head. So I am happy you have found joy in your life away from the church, but don’t be a hypocrite and sit here and post gay videos about how you are happier without the church.

I think deep down you know you are wrong. When you can comfortably deny the veracity of the church, I will believe you. But I will warn you the Lord does not take that kind of stuff lightly so you better be sure of what you are saying.

oh p.s. I found this ad on Facebook! hahahahah Wow. You have way too much time on your time to advertise on Facebook. hahahaha

February 21st, 2011 at 9:08 am

Cameron,

Just because something has an opposition to it, doesn’t make it true. There are many “antis” (or those who have left and are now ex-members) for Muslims, Jehovah’s Witnesses, and Scientology. By your logic, that makes them equally true and “right” as you put it. You are also falling prey to the logical fallacy of confirmation bias. You have to support your beliefs to protect what you believe in and dismiss, deny or ignore those things which would challenge your position, regardless of how convincing the evidence. That is why you see these videos as being “anti”, while we see them as being supportive and inviting to those struggling in Mormonism.

As to having “way too much time on our hands”, could not the same thing be said about the thousands of missionaries who do nothing but advertise and preach for the church, or the millions of ads that the church runs on Facebook and other online outlets? If you’re okay with your own church subscribing to such methods, it would be hypocritical for you to think ill of others doing the same.

Celestialbound
February 21st, 2011 at 4:24 pm

“If we have the truth, it cannot be harmed by investigation. If we have not the truth, it ought to be harmed.”
-J. Reuben Clark, D. Michael Quinn, J. Reuben Clark: The Church Years. Provo, Utah: Brigham Young University Press, 1983, p. 24.

LLL
February 22nd, 2011 at 6:25 pm

“Seeing sites like this only show us how much power the LDS church is correct.”

You are buying what they’re selling. Keep drinking that kool-aid, friend!

Adam
February 24th, 2011 at 9:57 pm

You sound very similar to a Scientologist. The LDS inc. spend millions every year on advertising and trying gain members. I recently read ” The LDS church says it is all about the family until a member of the family leaves the church. Then the family is all about the church.”

Mormonism has caused much damage to many families. We understand you do not care, but we care and we want people to know they are not alone.

This was posted today on a post mormon support group forum and it is so true:

‎”It breaks my heart to hear you say you aren’t worthy. Because think about it, if you’re not worthy what are you…..(long pause)……… does that make you worthless? No- no way, you’re not worthless, you’re amazing and f- anybody who makes you feel like you aren’t worthy. “

Unknown
February 21st, 2011 at 1:07 pm

I LOVE THIS STORY TOO! CHECK IT OUT.. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1wiLUMPJaEc&feature=related

Gullible's Travels / Natalie
February 22nd, 2011 at 12:02 am

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nxDrAfFw0LU… Good one, but this one is my favorite! If you’re wondering who thought of these first, I will give you a hint, it wasn’t the Mormons. Times are pretty tough if you have to follow Scientology’s lead if you know what I mean!

Laura
February 21st, 2011 at 8:49 pm

Eva,
I went through almost the same thing except I was pregnant with our first child when my husband started doubting. I had the panic attacks, talks with bishops, family involvement, countless blessings, the hell of wondering what eternity would be like for my family. Divorce went through my mind a lot but I decided to stay with him, at first just for our baby. Eventually though I realized that I loved my husband and wanted to be with him regardless. My belief system was completely turned inside out and upside down but one thing I do still believe in is love and I’m glad you do too. Thanks for sharing your story. It helps me to not feel so alone. I am so glad you got back together with your husband. I wish you two the very best.

Sean
February 24th, 2011 at 3:36 pm

Eva, I have one question. Do you believe that Jesus Christ is the son of a true living God? also, are you still christian?

Adam
February 24th, 2011 at 10:00 pm

Why do you want to know that? And what will you do with that information?

Celestialbound
February 25th, 2011 at 1:23 am

Technically that’s two questions 😉

Eva
March 3rd, 2011 at 9:03 pm

In response:

I would believe in Jesus except that when I found out that there is no Christian version of Satan in Judaism, I began to wonder if there was a Jesus either.

So, I decided to check out the figs coming out of the supposed fig tree, and lo and behold when I looked around and noticed my atheist friends behaving in much more “christlike” ways than my christian friends I had to wonder why.

Then, I started watching more national geographic and realizing that the scientific method has been so outrageously beneficial to humanity in every aspect for this reason: the method is almost more powerful than the results. There is a reason why humans are so selfish, and it isn’t the non-existant devil, we are selfish because life wouldn’t continue if we weren’t.

I love nature so much more now and to me that is emmotional evidence of the BS that the LDS doctrine is.

Dave
February 25th, 2011 at 1:38 am

I am amazed at how hypocritical and mean the pro mormon comments here are. You all sound like bitter JW’s and scientologists. Keep it up. It shows the outsiders the true spirit of mormonism.

Smiles on the way in and daggers on the way out. Cult.

Dan Johnson (admin)
February 25th, 2011 at 4:36 am
pollypinks
February 26th, 2011 at 4:46 pm

Wow, such cool people to meet. Eva, I am horrified by your leaders encouraging you to leave your husband. Obviously, you never stopped loving each other.

Paula
February 27th, 2011 at 3:27 pm

Thanks for the videos, they are truly amazing testimonies of courage. I read/skimmed through many of the posts here and not suprising they collectively make up the typical LDS responses to people who leave the church. I did not see anyone quote scripture or anything that would show how the Church is true. Simply feelings and experiences and the burning bussom I suppose. I left the church a few years back. I was babtized at 10 years old with my ‘golden family” we were all sealed a year later in the temple. I held various callings throughout the years including, Stake Missionary, and I actually taught discussions and even spent a year in a pre missionary class through the young adult ward where I went on “splits” with the missionaries. I never doubted the church in the 25 years I was a member, even through depression, suicidal tendencies, I never ever questioned the church, until my first daughter was to be baptized. Amazing things happen when you consider the future of your child rather than yourself. God has a way of showing you things you didn’t realize were there. My world fell apart, divorced the wonderful RM I married. It goes on and on. But the further away I get from the church I get the happier I am. Things begin not to matter so much. This doctrine that doctrine. In the end I beleive in a greater being than myself that has created me with great purpose and destiny. My children are happy. I am happy and yes as Eva said I love myself. Just like LDS want to share the gospe because of what they believe it has brought to their lives, we share our message because of the freedom it has brought to our lives, even in the midst of being a single mom of four, I never doubted my decision. I live in gratitude for each day adn wish my LDS friends could feel the way I feel now. Nothing in the church comes close. Thanks again for the videos and best of luck toyou Eva!

March 1st, 2011 at 2:16 pm

This story is bittersweet. Leaving one cult to live in a bigger more nubulous one is no victory. Leaving Mormonism, only to accept evolution and become a humanist is no foot forward. I can only pray that she comes to know The Jesus Christ of the Holy Bible.

Eva
March 3rd, 2011 at 9:04 pm

I haven’t joined a cult, I’m friends with everyone now :)

Confused
December 20th, 2011 at 4:30 pm

…friends with everyone,…now that’s a novel idea Eva! :) …thanks for the story…maybe enough of those I can pull it off!

Roger
July 3rd, 2011 at 5:37 am

Arthur,

Your post is dripping with hypocrisy. There’s no contemporary evidence that Jesus Christ even existed. There’s no evidence whatsoever that anything supernatural exists. However, every piece of evidence in existence is consistent with evolution. Who’s in the cult?

Christianity is in a membership free-fall. Keep up the good work.

Arthur Adam Haglund
June 22nd, 2012 at 10:24 pm

Roger,
I will try to be kind and to the point.
Contemporary? To us or Christ?
Those that knew him and their writings, Peter, Matthew, John, Judas. Not only did they know of him, they knew him. that is 9 writings of Jesus’s friends, his contemporary. You exclude them? That is neither honest, nor scientific. You would exclude them because they profess a conclusion you reject. This does not make their testimony false, nor invalid.

After Christ, there are other writings, most of which you can find on the web. In fact there is more literary evidence to the real life of Jesus of Nazareth thatn there is for several of the kings and rulers of his time frame.
You DO believe that there were kings and rulers in and around the claimed time of Jesus, don’t you?
While you accuse others of ignorance, you show nothing but.
As for evidence in the supernatural, you , again, are empirically wrong.
Once such evidence is prophecy, fulfilled prophecy.
The claims in the bible are valid based on several things, mostly based upon the claim and the lack of assertions of the opposite.

I would also suggest you investigate oral vs written history. Oral history has always been more accurate, for several reasons:
1. Oral history is not left in the hands of only one. It is given to many and is subject to immediate contradiction and correction upon the first error
2. Oral history is not handed down to just one and it is not handed down to the next generation until it is completely and fully learned.
3. Oral histories were the TV time of today’s people, it was the family time, it was the public time, it was the religious time, it was ALL the time!
Error cannot easily slip in when such a large quantity of the population were involved and not one single person taking what he could find and only using what he wanted to produce some ‘official’ version

Now on to Evolution.
Conjecture is not evidence, theory is not evidence, in fact, there is still no missing link found.
There is no found way for life to begin, there is no explanation for evolution to increase genetic material and to generate into ‘higher’ life forms. There is not cosmic proof, no earthly proof.
You have been taught there is, your have been indoctrinated.
Christianity in a membership free fall? I hope so, the Bible prophesied it. That means the end is near.

You and those like you have one problem, antiquity. you think that because it was so long ago, that the witness is invalid and suspect.
Time does not change truth and history does not change, either.
Many doubted the Red Sea being parted, until recently when at least one chariot and horse bones and ancient sword and armor was found in its deep
Ancient evidence from the bible has always been found and always supports the Bible record, unlike other religions, ie Mormonism.

I would ask that you understand that your ignorance blinds you. I was like you. I too, thought the bible was false and that it ws the work of unknown story tellers and that no proof existed. Unlike you, I was not content to believe that without proof, so, in setting out to disprove it, I found it was true and proved
I pray that you will, as well

Eva
March 3rd, 2011 at 8:43 pm

LOL on the “you inspired this”!!!

Martijn
March 5th, 2011 at 12:25 am

Damn, what a freakin bunch of loosers you are, Eva you sound as simple as they come, church no church, whatever, get a life….

Eva
April 14th, 2011 at 7:39 pm

At least this bunch of “loosers” can spell.

Eva
April 14th, 2011 at 7:43 pm

The Spirit didn’t warn him about that spelling error..

Eva
April 30th, 2012 at 5:51 pm

*losers.

get a dictionary.

Richard
March 17th, 2011 at 7:29 pm

Why are all these Mormon sheeple coming to this website? This website exists to celebrate the eradication of delusion, not to propagate it. Joseph Smith was a vile charlatan, fraud, crook and swindler who wanted lots of sex and lots of money and knew how to get it.

Eva
April 14th, 2011 at 7:38 pm

Ramen Brother.

We don’t show up at their parties, they should leave ours alone. It’s amazing how they just can’t leave it alone.

Chuck
May 31st, 2011 at 2:25 am

#nameofjesuschristamen

March 18th, 2011 at 9:11 am

Eva, thank you so much for sharing. You can’t understand how many people out there share your story. Yours and the other stories on this site help people to realize that they aren’t alone, and that others have been through it too. That was powerful knowledge for us when our family left the church.

Don’t let the trolls get you down. Haters gotta hate!

Also, I love seeing how many of us become secular after leaving Mormonism. I also read a lot about those who leave Scientology, and I get so frustrated by those who leave the church, but still somehow believe in L Ron Hubbard, or the teachings. I feel like they missed the point.

To me, anyone who leaves Mormonism, but that still somehow still believes in Christianity, has completely missed the point. Leaving Mormonism is really hard. It should have given you the tools to recognize reality from superstition. Finding out Santa Claus isn’t real should give you a pretty good heads up on the Easter Bunny and Tooth Fairy too…

Joseph
May 4th, 2011 at 10:57 pm

interesting story. i think she comes across as sincere. when she said she was back with her husband, i felt happy for her.

that being said, i think the inflections in her voice and the style of her narrative (her general presentation of self) is reminiscent of lds sister missionaries. you can take the girl out of mormonism, but you can’t take mormonism out of the girl.

Eva
April 29th, 2012 at 6:09 pm

Hi Joseph, LOL it’s true. I can see it too. I was in a visitors’ center too, so I spent most of my day giving presentations. Too funny. My mind will perhaps always be a vc sister’s in some ways.

Shane
May 27th, 2011 at 9:13 pm

Eva is there any chance your husband will make a video? I would love to hear his part in this expierence. I learned about the BoA issues when I was studing(by accident). That led me to search and you guessed it, I found so many more facts that I never learned growing up in Utah. I thought I was alone for almost 3 years, now I have found many, thousands of others in the same situation online. This is my issue, how do I not destroy my family?

Eva
April 29th, 2012 at 6:10 pm

Hi Shane,
I’m sure Joe would be very happy to speak with you. please email me emgonzal@ucalgary.ca and I’ll put you in touch.
Eva

Emily
June 25th, 2011 at 2:34 am

your story is sooo heartwarming!!!! im a canadian too!

Athee
July 15th, 2011 at 12:27 pm

I was DELIGHTED to see you call yourself an ape and mention Carl Sagan — if more people were introduced to the supreme and un-matchable beauty of evolution and the natural world, religion would definitely be exposed as a ridiculous attempt at “beauty” and “truth”. Thanks for sharing your story, nice to see so many Canadians!

Puzzled
August 31st, 2011 at 1:48 pm

I don’t understand this at all. Didn’t this woman have friends or family with whom to discuss a life-altering decision like divorcing her husband? What did they say to her? The exact same thing her church leaders told her? All of them? And if she couldn’t have those kinds of discussions with friends and family, it says a lot about her personal situation, which is sad.

And she says contradictory things about the ‘counsel’ she was given. First she says they didn’t tell her to leave him, but then she says they did. Which is it? It also seems likes she abdicates a lot ot responsibility for her choices. If she made a coherent case for duress or ecclesiastical abuse, it would be excusable, but I don’t see anything here that amounts to that. Maybe I’m wrong, but it just seems like she felt she made a bad choice and decided that God/the Mormon church was ultimately responsible.

All told, I’m sure with her newfound appreciation of science, she still regularly attends religious services and adheres to her ex-religion’s dietary regimen and doesn’t consume tobacco, alcohol, tea and coffee. If she wants to maximize her time on Earth, I’m sure she’ll want to do the stuff that scientifically-collected data suggests correlates to a longer-life span.

Becka
September 27th, 2011 at 6:10 pm

Hi Eva- I swear I attended the same ysa lds ward before as you and vaguely knew about the divorce, I am struggling with a similar situation as you- if you ever have time to talk I would appreciate it :)

Melanie
November 7th, 2011 at 12:44 am

I agree with Puzzled. I don’t know why she is blaming her divorce on the Mormon Church. Wasn’t this her decision? Now she doesn’t even want to marry her husband who she divorced, claiming Scientology or something as her new-found religion. It just seems to me that we all have problems and until we can grow up and take responsibility we won’t ever be truly happy.

Dan Johnson (admin)
November 7th, 2011 at 4:32 pm

lol definitely not a Scientologist 😉

Flash
April 9th, 2012 at 11:32 pm

She is blaming her divorce on the Mormon church because she believed in the leadership of that church. The leadership of that church did not support her marriage and told her she would only be happy in a marriage with a “worthy preisthood holder” where the 2 of them were bound for the celestial kingdom.

It amazes me how many Mormons are on this site and can’t see something for what it is. If being mormon has made you happy in your life, well good for you. If you can’t see how it was a negative factor in the individual who shared her story or others who have shared theirs, I don’t know what to tell you. The individual who shared her story is not telling you to quit your religion. She is telling you why it was the right decision for her to quit her religion.

I am happy for her, and think it is great that she is happier. The world has opened up for her, and she can now enjoy life without having 15 men, and a nutty history decide her morality.

Eva
April 29th, 2012 at 4:41 pm

Melanie,

READ A BOOK.

Scientology is not the same thing as reading about science. I see Scientology as the same thing as Mormonism… farcical nonsense.

Confused
December 20th, 2011 at 4:18 pm

I also began trying to find out more about the history of the church and like Eva’s husband, had some questions. My wife reacted similarly,…confused, angry and hurt that I could “question” the teaching of the church. I was simply trying to learn and asked a few questions. It has completely destroyed my relationship with her. We have children and have chosen to remain together in what now seems to be a loveless marriage. How does this happen? I continue to attend church regularly but the damage has been done. I applaud Eva for her strength…happy ending for her and her husband…no such luck here…

Flash
April 9th, 2012 at 11:34 pm

That is a huge negative with the LDS church above other faiths. I am not religious anymore, but I have noticed when one spouse quits believing it damages the marriage severely in the LDS faith. In other more progressive churches, not so much.

I wish you the best, and know you do have support. I would encourage anyone who has left the church to check out exmormons.org where there is certainly someone else who has gone through what you have gone through.

It is truly sad how much the lds church works to damage families.

Flash
April 9th, 2012 at 3:39 am

Hey Eva congrats on finding real happiness. It is lame there are so many negative comments on here against you. I somewhat understand the negativity on youtube even though I don’t agree with it because it is a more public site. This site is to celebrate stories like yours. Where people left a crooked organization and found real happiness not just in the world but within themselves.

Whether your relationship with your exhusband works out or not it sounds like you will live a better life. You seem like an enlightened person now. Instead of following the doctrine and teachings of the “Gang of 15” at the head of the Mormon church. You have decided to follow the path of logic and reason. You are truly evolving as a person and not trapped in an out of date ideology. When a member of the gang of 15 says being gay is unnatural you are smarter than to listen to him. When a member of the 15 says having a relationship with someone outside of your race is something to avoid, you are smarter than to listen to him. When a member criticizes intellectuals, you will be smarter than to listen to him.

The only negative about your decision is the strain it might put between you and your parents. I hope they still understand that you are a good person and can respect you.

I won’t continue any longer, but I am happy for you. The Universe is now yours to explore. You are no longer in a box.

Your boyfriend/husband is a lucky man.

Eva
April 29th, 2012 at 6:13 pm

Dear Flash, thank you. It’s been a long hard road being honest with myself, but I’m glad that I can finally understand myself, and finally love Joe for being Joe. It has been worth it.
Good luck!
Eva

james
October 2nd, 2012 at 5:04 pm

Dear Eva, I love to here your story. I too have lost the women that i love and Our four childern Due to my lack of Believing in the LDS church.I wish that she was as strong as you. Loves Enduring promise thanks Eva.

Eva
February 23rd, 2013 at 2:30 am

Above is my story but is my story but I guess the finer points that lead to me leaving the church were 1)Polyandry 2)Book of Abraham and 3)Priesthood. I think the first big hit that my so-called “testimony” took was reading about how Joseph Smith was sending people off on missions and then marrying their wives while they were away. Then there’s the whole Fanny Alger fiasco. So, obviously this guy was abusing his power and coming up with rules to get his way with women. So NOT prophet-like, no matter what you believe. The Book of Abraham: The revelations/translations don’t match the facsimiles (I’m sure soon that whole book will go the way of throat-slashing in the temple). Priesthood: First of all, the dates and the kinds of priesthoods that were given did not match the “ordinances” that were being performed and the accounts kept changing and then of course, Blacks and the priesthood. That whole issue makes me sick to my stomach… to systemically exclude and publicly humiliate an entire group of people based solely on the color of their skin by way of holy mandate is SICK.

April 17th, 2013 at 6:24 am

I am now not positive the place you’re getting your information, but great topic. I needs to spend a while finding out much more or understanding more. Thanks for excellent info I used to be in search of this info for my mission.

Eva
July 1st, 2013 at 2:07 am

Hey everyone, it’s me, Eva. Just a little update: Joe and I were married in May, and it was outdoors on a ridge overlooking a valley with a river in it. It was beautiful. I wore fuscia, and he wore a nice suite. It was fabulous. We were married by a commissioner and now we’re working on starting a family. Much love and thanks for watching my video! – Eva

Strater
December 6th, 2013 at 1:45 pm

I tear up every time I watch this. Such an awesome ending. So proud of you both!

Lilliam Monge
February 12th, 2014 at 11:54 am

I actually have enjoyed the submit, but your website is pretty broken in Google Chrome. What theme are you using?

http://www.uJXyXjAcjtuJXyXjAcjt.com/uJXyXjAcjtuJXyXjAcjt

Lorean Abnet
September 5th, 2014 at 2:41 am

If you can’t explain it simply, you don’t understand it well enough. ~Albert Einstein

http://powerofsuccess.net/using-life-maps-to-set-goals-in-your-life/

CSGO
June 4th, 2016 at 4:48 am

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