Additional resources on the topic of Mormonism and sexuality:
Pornography, Masturbation, Sex and Marriage in Mormonism (This is a Mormon Stories Podcast featuring a non-Mormon sex therapist)
Part 1 and Part 2 Female Sexuality in the LDS Culture (This is a Mormon Expression Podcast)
Short articles on Mormon Sexuality
50 page Research Paper (PDF) Historical Development of New Masturbation Attitudes in Mormon Culture
Please let us know if you come across any other links you would like to see added here on this page!
There are a lot of really good points and insights in these videos. The pain and anguish that comes from looking at pornography while being entrenched in Mormonism could have destroyed my teenage years. I’m not sure why it didn’t, maybe just because humans are at times surprisingly resilient. Once while discussing my problem with a Bishop at BYU (who compounded my guilt by convincing me I had an addiction), he confided in me that about half the boys in the elders quorum were dealing with pornography and working with him. That’s just the ones that had actually talked to him. I’m sure there were many more, maybe the whole quorum. For years and years I had beat myself up over it, and like the man shown here, I was constantly looking for the magic key that would help me overcome it once and for all and I always assumed I was the worst guy in the room. I couldn’t agree more with what was said by Kerri, the solution is to remove the church, be real, face the issue with a rational mind. greater healing will come through that then it ever will talking to a man in an office who is likely viewing pornography himself but making sure you feel like trash for doing so.
After watching the first session of General Conference at the request of my parents these videos were a breath of fresh air. Real, practical, significant insight and help vs mindless brainwashing and emotional programing. They will undoubtedly assist many young men and couples in alleviating harmful guilt and pain… and exasperate a lot of TBMs in the meantime… funny how that works.
Sure, not everybody is perfect. Sure maybe a lot of people were making mistakes. But the realization of sin is not about making you feel like trash. When i indulge in sin is when i feel like trash. When i realize it is when i feel free. To notice how something seemingly innocent has crippled your life, and then to go forward honestly trying to make it better is a huge part of life. The thing is, to admit the truth and go against it is painful, bu that doesn’t mean the truth should be abandoned. I believe that sex is a sacred thing to be enjoyed by a husband and wife alone, and pornography turns it into a game, and causes you to hunger for something that is not good. My biggest problem with pornography really has little to do with the sexual aspect of it. I hate the thing because it makes me lose my self control. I forget what is important to me and hunger for this thing that, aside from driving away your spirituality, interferes with your life in general. You don’t look at people the same. You don’t look at yourself the same. The truth is, even when you’ve figured it all out, you will likely still sometimes fall into the trap of pornography. There is no “magic key” to get out. It takes perseverance, real hard work. But that doesn’t mean its not worth, and that doesn’t mean its not true. All good things in life take hard work, and most of them will require a change in you. Again, its not about feeling like trash. Its about looking up and seeing what your missing, the person you could be. It may hurt, but thats what the atonement is for. Pick yourself up by the boot straps and start making it better, by your own sweat. Thats the only way you’ll truly escape sins grasp.
I only wish that the church did not foster the “trashy” feelings that it does in relation to these issues, but the more I learn about the church, the more I am certain that, almost invariably, these are the feelings that it fosters.
Church should be an uplifting thing. It is not. People have problems. The church tells them they are horrible because of them. And it destroys them, UNLESS they can realize that it doesn’t have to be that way.
Excellent. That was so honest. Wow. I remember when I was a member I had a problem with porn. Now that I am out I have no problem with it. I rarely watch it as I find it boring now.
Loved your comment Eric. I can echo what you said. It is absolutely true that once you remove the church and face the issue with a rational mind, healing comes.
i am a born again believer in Jesus, and i struggle with lust, lust of the eyes, lust of the flesh, and masturbation is the spinoff of lust and porn also, i have done everything i know to do, regarding the bible, etc. prayers, and it came to me to be chemically castrated. If you look into it and decide for yourself and mostly ‘is this what Jesus wants’? and im speaking of the Jesus of the bible, not the mormon Jesus. This masturbation is really wrecking my life and i cant stop it, so hopefully chemical castration will work for me. Regular castration is an option too, look into it, research it. Penectomy is not out of the question if it is necessary. I hope in Jesus that you pray and seek God the Father through Jesus regarding this. Thank you.
Hi David,
I was in the same situation, I’m young and single and I don’t watch porn anymore, even though I rarely masturbate but it doesn’t affect me in the same way as when I was watching porn,and I plan to stop that also. I can see that I am slowly coming out of it. I was in the same cycle, Sin,guilt than getting rid of guilt, and back again. I think it’s important not to punish yourself for it, or torment yourself. I think the devil will like us to focus and consume ourselves over this. Remember, we have victory in Christ, and no matter what you do, that doesn’t change God’s unconditional love for you.
It’s a little funny, but after I talked few months ago with Mormons about the concept of grace, and how they have to be perfect so that grace is sufficient, or a verse from BOM says that “we are saved by grace after all we can do” I now know better how much grace means to me, and how impossible would it be to save myself through my works.
I think what revolutionized my life was the concept of grace and not trusting my own flesh(Philippians 3:3),not even a bit. Being a new creature in Christ, renewing my mind.
,
Please read through Romans chapters 3-6, you’ll see how no one is righteous, how righteousness can only be received through faith and is imputed to us from Christ, and being justified by faith we now have peace with God, we’ve found REST
Being crucified with Christ means that our self(sin nature) was crucified, and now being in Christ WE DON’T OWE THE FLESH anything because “the body ruled by sin might be done away with”
“When you were slaves to sin, you were free from the control of righteousness. 21 What
benefit did you reap at that time from the things you are now ashamed of? Those things result in death!
22 But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the benefit
you reap leads to holiness, and the result is eternal life. 23 For the wages of sin is death,
but the gift of God is eternal life in[b] Christ Jesus our Lord. ” Romans 6:20-23
The only way for us to be justified before God is through Jesus Christ, that is grace.
Salvation cannot be achieved by one’s works, how well or bad someone does. And even
though at times we fail, we come short, God can forgive us, and we shouldn’t loose hope.
Sin leads to death, finally separation from God.
But Grace now leads to righteousness/holiness and results in eternal life.
I pray David, that you get and understand grace, and that it will fill your life, and that
grace of God will push away fear and all barriers of sin, and it will lead to righteousness and you’ll be free.
God bless you!
David,
I don’t believe in coincidences, I just looked at the dates of people’s comments, and all except yours are from 2011. Maybe God wants to speak to you. Please, don’t do anything to your body. Take care man!
Florin
ok ,few at the bottom are from 2012 too, but that’s not the main point,haha. God bless!
It might be a beginning to accept yourself as a sexual human being, instead of judging yourself. Chemical castration can cause cancer, and I don’t think you deserve that. I was married to a man who would masturbate and expose himself, and served a Mormon mission and other leadership positions. His mother had died when he was 8 or 9, and his father withdrew in his grief for his 22 yr. partner. At 16, my ex was exposing himself at his window, and masturbated obsessively. It can be an act of comfort, or a way to change the focus, or an act of aggression against self or others. Imagine feeling anger towards abandonment of your mother who couldn’t help but die, guilt because of your anger, and self hatred and hope in the practice of impulsive behavior. You might want to journal what your thoughts are before and after, and just practice self love, in the privacy of your own home. I think SIN is a bill of goods. Guilt is a cattle prod. Why would there be a ‘father’ in heaven who would condemn self exploration, or an expression of pain, or a path or journey of learning? Would a father not understand everything? Self care would include, first, do no harm.
If you control a persons sexuality you control the person. The church knows this. They manufacture the sin, they know everybody does it so they make all members a sinner. They tell you that you need the church to be forgiven to go to heaven. So now they got you and can control you into submission. The Church of Scientology does the same thing. It is a common tactic with cults in controlling their members. The reality is you can obsess about it, feel guilty and confess. Or you can do what is natural for a few minutes, get a release and go about your day a happy person.
But being in control of your own happiness is the last thing the church wants. They want to sell it to you and take it away as they see fit.
Masturbation is more than a ‘release’, it is sin. So you’re saying, smoke a cigarette, and go on about your day, it’s not that easy, for some people, taking a drink of alchohol or smoking a cigarette they can do just one, and go on, but other people, just one is all it takes, and they’re hooked – same way with masturbation, it is still sin even if you don’t get hooked because it is tied with lust, and our bodies are the temple of the Holy Ghost, and we are not defile them with such practices, that is like saying Jesus masturbated, which I believe he did not, and I was one of the ones who tried it once and couldn’t stop, like most young men and men of all ages, young women and women of all ages also, now im 44, and have grown in God so much and will continue to grow, that I despise masturbation so much, hate it, as Paul said, and it needs to be out of my life – i plan to be chemically castrated soon, and hopefully that will take care of the problem. But every little thing thats in our hearts, minds, words, and actions count, and affect us and others, and we are accountable for them.
David, I am so sad for you and sad at the lies your church has taught you. Masturbation is a natural thing. It’s just a way to love yourself really, give yourself pleasure.
You compare to cigarettes, and that’s crazy. Cigarettes can give you cancer. Alcohol can kill brain cells. Masturbation gives you orgasm, which is actually good for your body. You should read again what Adam said. What he said is perfectly true. The church says “you are bad” and “We are the only ones who can take away the badness.” Thus they tell an untrue story which gives them power over you.
Love is the way. Start by loving yourself. The guilt is what keeps you in a terrible cycle.
I have so many stories like this. Except I had the added guilt of being gay. I’ve spent an entire life trying to overcome the damaged sense of self from having grown up Mormon. I had the hard-core experience of a father who was a senior CES (church education) administrator, a mission president, “Know Your Religion” instructor, and so on. The stories I have…
I only watched the first video and it is ridiculous. “I only felt good when i was watching porn” ???? Are you kidding me. Pornography has destroyed so many marriages, destroyed so many lives, and it is such an awful way to demean something sacred. I could go on and on about this issue, these videos are pathetic and I really feel sorry for the screwed up mentality of those people in the video and those who try to justify their sins.
You heard it here first folks, Santa is, in fact, real. He sees you while you’re sleeping and knows when you’ve been good or bad…oh, wait…we’re talking about God? Well, that’s COMPLETELY different.
“red jacket, gold jacket, who gives a shit”
Matt,
Is it pornography that destroyed those homes? Or was it perhaps the teachings and paradgims about pornography in those homes that destroyed those homes?
It was a poorly phrased comment on his part. If you listen closer, you’ll see that he was saying the only time he didn’t feel guilty about porn was while he was actually watching it. He believes that this made him more likely to do it in the future, since it brought him to another place in his mind and made him forget his negative feelings for a while. Hence, the “cycle of guilt.” He was not saying that porn was the only thing that made him feel good in life.
Pornography has destroyed so many marriages, destroyed so many lives
Could you please explain in what way pornography has done this?
Perhaps by making LDS women think their normal husbands are sexual deviants?
I think you are right Daniel. Sexuality is so demonized in the LDS church (and many other churches or social circles) that it leaves many of those with lower sex drives viewing those with higher sex drives as sexual deviants instead of normal human beings who still deserve to be loved. It’s not the pornography itself, it’s the mind set that has been taught that creates the cognitive dissonance and leads people to fear and judgment instead of love and acceptance. And I tend to notice the pattern that those who point their fingers the most, end up being exposed as having the exact same behavior as those they are judging. Ironic isn’t it? lol!
“Perhaps by making LDS women think their normal husbands are sexual deviants?”
Not to mention making the husbands agree. (And Dog help any woman who feels attracted to porn. Imagine what they must think of themselves.)
Where else but the Onion:
http://www.theonion.com/articles/area-man-has-nakedlady-fetish,498/
Drooling and becoming aroused at other men or women perhaps is not the best way to cement or develop a committed relationship. The advent of the video camera on the internet seems to be a doorway for instant access to emotional and sexual affairs, and has caused a lot of pain in its wake.
The guilt behind the masturbation or obsessive compulsive behavior, often turning addictive is probably the biggest perpetuator.
I don’t understand? In what way does masturbation destroy life? Heroin or cancer destroy lives, but masturbation? That’s just silly. Kind of like picking a random food and saying it’s pure evil… like coffee…oh, yeah, I guess they already did that.
Here’s the thing Matt, I was born in the church to Handcart Pioneer legacy parents, served a mission and married in the temple. I know the tripe that they shovel on their members. Do yourself the biggest favor you could possibly do and ask yourself, What If The Church Is False? Would you want to know?
Because I’m here to tell you Matt, the church is false. Look into it. Google it. Read the journal of discourses. Even South Park taught me things about my own religion I hadn’t been told.
Wow Matt! You sound like a typical self-rightous MORON (MORMON) Do you idiots realize how incredible self rightious you are? Your egos are just beyond comprehension. Great to see your stupid religion isn’t growing as fast as it used to. People are wising up! They are seeing you for the undeducated haters you are.
Matt,
Watching porn is not the problem. Teaching people that there’s something wrong with people who watch porn is the problem.
I guess there will be a lot of gorillas in hell.
LOL love this comment
What, gorillas watch porn??
The premise of these videos and some of the comments seem like self-justification to me.
Listen. I don’t care if you watch it or don’t, but the idea that somehow you’re repressed if you don’t is ridiculous. I think of my grandparents and some of their parents who had no access to pornography but who had solid, loving relationships. If you were feeling randy, you went home and got it on w/your spouse, especially since you didn’t want to waste valuable kerosene and candles keeping the lights on too late. There was plenty of time for sex! (Maybe that’s why grandma was one of 10 kids.)
Sure, there were always Peeping Toms and brothels, but society as a whole has always considered those kinds of activities generally unacceptable, especially for a married man.
Seriously, though. People have long functioned without porn and found totally fulfilling sexual relationships, and they were perfectly “normal.” I’m concerned that those who choose to view it are now casting stones at those who don’t for being “abnormal” and “repressed,” using the same kind of judgmental mentality they claim others would use against them. Furthermore, in plenty of instances, porn takes one spouse away from the other mentally and physically. If one partner doesn’t enjoy it (or is insecure because she can’t possibly compete with the siliconed, tanned, oiled bodies writhing around on-screen), then that leaves a rift in the marriage as one person recoils into his porn world, leaving wifie to tuck herself in at night. Now, some couples incorporate it into their sex lives with the full consent of both partners and have healthy relationships, but I know of plenty of couples where the wife only accepts porn begrudgingly, lest she be considered a prude or spoilsport. These effects can be damaging to a marriage, no matter what your religious affiliation (even if you’re an atheist). Those who claim no downside are merely looking the other way at a serious problem. You may claim the marital problems aren’t “caused” by porn and have other deeper issues at play, but that’s like arguing that the Florida pastor didn’t “cause” the violence in Afghanistan by burning a Quran. It’s true he didn’t kill anyone personally, but he certainly didn’t help.
I hear you Tina. I know exactly what you are talking about. Our videos are NOT trying to say that people “should” look at pornography and that they are repressed if they do not. That is ridiculous, I agree, it is certainly not what we were trying to say.
We made these videos to illuminate the cause of self-loathing that so many men (and some women) feel from childhood on into adulthood. Masturbation and enjoying the beauty of the human form are both natural and should not be demonized in such a way that someone would feel like killing themselves for it. Two more segments will be released next Saturday where we go into this further.
If a wife is tucking herself into bed alone because her husband prefers digital photos over physical interaction with his wife – this is not the fault of the pornography – this man needs therapy, then the couple needs therapy, and/or a divorce.
And if a wife feels like she cannot “compete” with the women on the screen, she needs to realize that her husband’s body cannot compete with the male bodies on the screen either – but does that make her love him any less? No, and it is the same for her husband.
She also needs to realize that her husband’s viewing of pornography has nothing to do with the shape of her body. If she was built like a super model she would still be dealing with this. Viewing legal pornography is a hobby, something to enjoy – just like indulging in junk food. Does a woman eat junk food because her husband has a flat butt or saggy pecs? No, it is just an enjoyable indulgence that has nothing to do with her husband’s body shape, these things are unrelated.
We as women need to stop taking this hobby of viewing pornography as a personal slam. Once I internalized this concept, I was able to release my anxiety about this issue, and my husband and I are able to have a wonderful, close relationship.
Certainly there are people who take pornography viewing to the extreme or the illegal, again, not the fault of the pornography, the people themselves have issues they need to address. Addictive personalities will just use some other substance if pornography is not available.
Here is an excellent interview on Mormon podcasts… on this subject…
http://mormonstories.org/?p=1506
[ADMIN WARNING: PLEASE DO NOT CLICK ON THE LINKS IN THIS POST IF YOU DO NOT WANT TO SEE ANCIENT DEPICTIONS OF PORNOGRAPHY]
Strangely enough, porn predates Tina’s grandparents by thousands of years. Archaeologists have found evidence of it in every major civilization. Egypt: http://i46.tinypic.com/f02hz9.jpg , Rome: http://www.libidomag.com/nakedbrunch/images/ancientrome/rome01.jpg , Japan http://www.elephantjournal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/picture-874.png , and others.
According to the Guardian, http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2005/apr/04/arts.germany,
Archaeologists have discovered what they believe to be the 7,200-year-old remnants of a man having intercourse with a woman.
The extraordinary find, at an archaeological dig in Saxony, shatters the belief that sex was a taboo subject in that era.
Until now, the oldest representations of sexual scenes were frescos from about 2,000 years ago.
The Puritanical impulse to repress sexuality is, historically speaking for our species, a fairly recent development.
from the cult of Mormonism to the cult of ex-Mormonism ty youtube!
why does everyone need to hear that impulse control is bad for society when clearly it’s a good thing for society?
what is being justified on this site and what unifying principal is being expressed? sounds like “mormonism sucks and it’s just like everything else with a supernatural position and those suck too.”
pardon me, i’m deeply sorry for the fraud that was perpetrated on these people, but it’s like many other cults that are entirely secular. the randians that drifited from objectivism (as secular as you can get) describe their emotional state in the same identical way. horowitz describes his break from the left and communism in the same manner.
a law school that defrauds it’s students with false employment and salary data is not telling the world that the law is false, or school is false. it’s saying certain bad practices need to be shutdown.
This is just the point JimP – of course we know that “impulse control” is good for society, that’s why we’re all here trying to be better people every day.
However, when you place an individuals natural human needs in suppression, the young person very soon steps into self-loathing due to the confusion he/she experiences from this mind control.
We can all control our impulses in a much healthier way when there is wisdom (masturbation hurts no one) and love (you are NOT an evil person to take care of your needs this way) involved instead of shaming, fear and self-loathing.
AND – we are absolutely NOT saying “every supernatural position sucks” – people can believe and be part of any spiritual organization they wish – but any organization, spiritual or not, that tries to control members with shame, fear and self-loathing and are telling you God told them to do it – should be exposed for these harmful tactics. As you can see by the comments, there are many people who need to be released from this ridiculous mind control.
This is one family’s experience, and it is here to help others who might benefit from hearing their story. If you wish to teach that masturbation abstinence is ok, even though it is known to have benefits, then you are free to do this. The harmful guilt that is often programmed is the source of many psychological problems. We wish to educate and show the other side of the issues that have been hidden from so many Mormons as they transition out of the church.
Pornography of course is still something many argue over to this day- I don’t think we are taking a stand either way on this issue. We are not advocating that people look at porn. We are not advocating that people indulge themselves at every opportunity. We are simply sharing the story of a family that has come to realize that the guilt and shame fueled a problematic behavior.
Perhaps we need to define what we mean by pornography because sometimes religions will lump all pornography into one category when there is a wide range from violent porn to bestiality to soft porn etc.
Your comment seems to disapprove of our efforts to bring to light an important issue that many face upon leaving the church. I think this is an important discussion to have and it is often difficult to bring into the open because it is treated as taboo. The individuals in the the video are brave to come out and openly discuss these things. They have touched on the role that guilt and shame has played in their relationship and this is another important thing to take into consideration when people condemn masturbation and pornography- they often do not realize that the guilt and sexual repression can be the source of the compulsive behavior in the first place. Over and over again I have heard exmormons say that the compulsive behavior of viewing pornography leaves when they stop punishing themselves and feeling guilty for being a normal human being. If you think this message should be hidden and kept from individuals who are still beating themselves up over this issue, I would have to strongly disagree with you.
On another note, I believe the Mormon church does much good- and I hope to hold on to the good that it teaches. I refuse to call everything the church stands for “evil” or “bad”. I do believe however, that the psychological implications of the Mormon belief system are damaging to one’s self identity. The good values taught in the Mormon church do not outweigh losing yourself to a group identity. I say keep the good and throw out the bad.
I hope this clarifies the purpose of what we are doing here on this website and particularly with these videos you have commented on.
I hope you had a chance to watch both of the videos and that you will be back to watch the final two on this subject next Saturday.
I can’t speak for all of the people in these videos, as some of their stories may differ, but I will do my best to explain a certain point of view. When somebody has devoted their life to believing in something with very strong conviction, confronting that conviction is not always an easy thing, especially when choosing intellectual honesty means leaving something you have believed to be true your entire life. Once you start to grapple with the cognitive dissonance and then try to apply the same reasoning to other religions, they tend to have similar unconvincing reasons for why they are true. The “good feeling” you get when you pray is no longer sufficient justification for a particular belief. Of course, there are plenty of instances where people convert to different religions, so this obviously won’t apply to those people.
You seem to have a belief, which is totally great, I have no problems with that. I’m just offering an explanation why some ex-Mormons might leave faith in general.
I myself have never been Mormon, but have come out of faith and find these videos fascinating and often reflective of the feelings and personal struggles that I have had with religion. I do happen to have Mormon friends and have been to the temple many times, which has afforded me a close familiarity with the religion.
Keep up the great work with these videos! They truly do make a difference.
I am a TBM male in a happy marriage, but I also view pornography occasionally. Am I happy about it–no, I would rather not indulge, just as I would like to stop swearing or eating junk food or not doing my home teaching as often as I should. It is a selfish act, but it is ramped up so high that the shame and guilt of it are misplaced and out of this world. Kerri, you nailed it:
“We as women need to stop taking this hobby of viewing pornography as a personal slam. Once I internalized this concept, I was able to release my anxiety about this issue, and my husband and I are able to have a wonderful, close relationship.”
I love my wife, I tuck her in at night, and we have a very intimate relationship. I still am attracted to porn because it gives an immediate release and provides positive endorphins. Perhaps I should take up running, or exercising, or some other way to get these endorphins. I get it. My problem is one that is weekly, not daily or hourly. it doesn’t affect my life. I still pay attention to my wife’s needs in and out of bed.
I’d like to lesson how often I use it. I’m not sure I’ll ever completely stop, maybe I will. It is less interesting to me that it once was. I’d like my wife to know, but because of the shame that is heaped upon porn, I’m afraid if I tell her, because I’d lose part of her.
I wish for perspective on this topic. Just like people who drink on occasional glass of wine (where outside of the Church is no sin), a drunk who can’t hold down a job is infinitesimally worse. There also needs to be some discussion among women that it is normal, maybe not ideal, but that it can be dealt with in marriage without losing a spouse or damaging a relationship. The amount of shame heaped upon it makes it more secret. The amount, type, and frequency of use are just as big of issues as the act of viewing. For heaven’s sake, looking a Victoria’s secret ad in the mall then visualizing it in your head for later “use” is the same is it not?
There are concerns about the person involved in the porn, sure. Use that idea enough and all Mormon men will look at Hentai instead where no one is “hurt” in the process.
Don’t get me wrong. I believe that the Brethren are sincere, but they also grew up in the world where the access to porn was just non-existent. They see how horrible it is. They see the women who are devastated by their husband’s use. But instead of seeing that both are at fault (a selfish man and a women with misplaced expectations about male sexuality), the concentration is all upon the man. It is becoming a negative feedback loop upon marriages.
All I’m asking is if one feels the need to condemn porn, also put it into context. Help our women understand the realities of male sexuality. Help the men by mitigating the shame. Have faith in people that as they develop their own marital moral codes, that porn will probably play a very small if no part, in the relationship. It may even stop of its own accord.
“our women” + “the men” = TBM subtle framing
That good old belonging feeling; way to notice that not-so-subtle framing. Women belong to men and we ‘all’ belong to the Church of Jesus Christ. We do not belong to ourselves; we don’t get to choose our pleasures, thoughts or feelings; they are all mapped out for us.
Thank you so much for producing this video and having the guts to take a stand on this critical issue. I have expressed many similar sentiments, though I am not at a point where I feel like I have to leave the LDS faith. As of now, I reconcile my differences by accepting that there is great error in LDS doctrine/policy/culture on the subject of sexuality and sexual repression (including the topics of sexually-oriented media and masturbation), but I nevertheless continue to find inspiration in many of the church’s other doctrines. You may view many of my musings on this and related topics at my blog:
http://philosophypoliticsandreligion.blogspot.com/
My sincere hope and prayer is that someday, due in large part to people like us who speak out, the church will see the error of its ways and stop regarding the bulk of sexual expression and thought as evil.
William James
I’m curious what sort of pressures other Mormon (and ex-Mormon) women have felt about masturbation. I still feel like female masturbation has been largely ignored (though Kerri did mention it in passing in one of her comments). I know that girls are not under as much pressure because we don’t have the pornography issue rammed down our throats in the same way, but despite that I still felt a lot of guilt as a teenager about masturbation, and I believe it led to some depression issues. We actually had a youth conference speaker (surprisingly a woman) talk about her experience with being “addicted” to masturbation as a teenager. She confessed to the bishop who was also her father, and then she claimed that after he was released from his calling and he no longer had the “mantle,” he didn’t remember that she had confessed that to him. Fortunately I didn’t fall for that and never actually talked to my bishop about my “problem.” Anyway, just thought I’d throw this into the discussion.
I hear you Jaye. I did feel some pressure, and I talk about it in one of the later segments. But yes, I think the boys do have more pressure in some ways, it is really focused on in General Conference for the men. Not so much for the women. Thanks for your input.
I think that some people confuse need with desire. Being a girl I recognize that I don’t fully understand the pull that some men feel towards porn but I also know that without it they will survive. It’s not like men need porn or their balls will turn blue and fall off, its a completely psychological desire like kleptomania or alcohol or many other things. Also its a completely selfish act so no wonder the church is against it. The church teaches us to be selfless in all that we do, which is nearly impossible but there are certain things we can do to work towards that, like for example not masturbating.
I can never understand what you went through but I still believe that where there’s a will there’s a way, not to say you didn’t want to change but there was obviously something you wanted more.
I think there is much wisdom to be gained through the exploration of sexuality. By this I mean:
1)consenting adults (18 years +, no child pornography or sexual activity) acting with integrity in all their activities
2)whether it be digital exploration or actual exploration, observation and/or participation – commitments and promises to others are always honored, along with their comfort zone with the topic.
The way I see it is, as long as we are not hiding anything and we are living with integrity, I feel sexuality is an avenue that would be beneficial to explore properly as human beings. I think organized religion has done our species a disservice by demonizing sexual activity, in both private and partnered moments.
In my opinion, the human race has been stalled at an “adolescent” level in terms of evolution, partly due to the religious suppression of sexuality. We cannot know ourselves if we cannot explore all of our being.
Can pornography/sexuality be used to hurt? Of course it can. Just as a computer screen can bring creativity and teaching, it can also bring destruction and suppression. Do we smash every computer screen then and never mind all the learning we’re missing out on?
I am sure there are many who would disagree with me. Yet I feel that this topic should just be put in the same type of category as race-car driving. We don’t let children do it. You need to be careful and respectful of everyone. And if you don’t like it, you don’t have to participate in it. It isn’t hurting anyone as long as we always stick to consenting adults acting with integrity.
In my opinion, this would also rule out bestiality because you cannot get a “consent” from an animal. I also feel that bestiality and child pornography/pedophilia arise from the suppression of sexuality by our societies and/or religions. If sexuality is not brought forth and dealt with in a healthy way, it will undoubtedly come out in unhealthy ways.
If you Kt are not very interested in sexuality – that is fine. You don’t have to include much of it in your lifestyle. At the same time, those of us with higher interest in sexuality should have the right to legally and honestly explore it. I don’t think you need to look down your nose at us because we wish to think this way.
This is a time where I think we need to finally step out of our childish impressions of sexuality and grow up about it. We need to let people live and let live – lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans gender, straight, highly sexuality, low sexuality, and every degree in between – as long as we are hurting no one and are always acting with integrity – we should be “allowed” to explore ourselves fully if we want to continue to evolve in a positive manner.
Einstein once said something to the effect of: you can’t get out of a problem with the same thinking that got you into the problem in the first place. Looking around the world today, we know we need new ways of thinking to heal our planet and our human behavior. All avenues of humanity need to be explored for answers. If you don’t wish to explore the “sexuality stream” of learning, by all means, find your own interests and go for it. If we respect each other’s choices, we can all live authentically and no one will get hurt.
At this point in reality, I feel we have everything to gain from an open and honest exploration of sexuality. I hope at least someone can see might point of view.
Kt,
For me, the distinction between “need” and “desire” is not as black and white as it is for you. Consider hunger. We “need” to eat in order to stay alive. Despite this necessity, however, hunger is still nothing more than a psychological phenomenon that we’ve evolved to ensure that we do, indeed, keep eating. Even hunger can be ignored if the will is strong enough, and therefore can be described as a “desire”, though one must be prepared to suffer the consequences if one chooses not to eat.
Is the sexual drive also a need? Well, in one sense, no. Just like hunger, it can be ignored. The question is not, “Is it possible to live without giving full expression to the sexual drive?” (to which the answer is of course ‘Yes’) but rather it is “What are the psychological and physiological consequences of suppressing the sexual drive?” It is the argument of these videos that there are more negative consequences of suppressing it than there are of giving into and accepting it.
Of course, we have to be careful not to make this assertion too general. I can easily imagine that there are many, many people for whom the lifestyle encouraged by Church leaders (the “ideal” family unit) satisfies the sexual needs of all parties involved. But there are also many other people for whom that is simply not true. For such people, the psychological consequences of “bottling up” their sexual urges can be deep, painful, lasting, and far more damaging than having (for example) the stigma of being “selfish”.
Are these negative consequences real or imagined? I tend to think (through personal experience and observing the relationships of others) that they are real and widespread. We ought to try to really understand what people are going through before blandly labeling them as ‘selfish’. To this end, I encourage you to read up on the last several decades of psychological studies, a sizable portion of which deal with issues of sexuality. Also try to understand why sexual repression can be such a huge problem for some people, that they actually consider suicide.
Fantastic comment Sammy.
Very well said!
Just wanted to put my two cents in…
I grew up a closeted gay in the Church, and during my teenage years masturbated regularly–so I fully identify with the “cycle of guilt” described in the video. The first time I confessed to a bishop about masturbating I was 12, and the first time I came out of the closet to ANYONE I was 16. I felt like the lowest, meanest, dirtiest creature on the planet. However, like a good TBM, I never gave up hope that one day God would see fit to remove this blight from my life, and I would one day be able to fulfill the promises made in my patriarchal blessing that I would marry in the temple.
I finally came out to my parents when I was 23, not because I particularly wanted to for myself, but because I felt like it was something God required me to do before he would let me serve a mission. I even managed to stop masturbating for long enough to convince myself and my priesthood leaders that I was ready, and felt sure that God had accepted my “sacrifice” and would allow me to go on a mission.
Ironically, it was during my mission that my belief structure became unraveled, and consequently (though still on the mission) I allowed myself to fall back into my old masturbating habits. The remarkable thing is that I still felt guilty, even though I had already come to doubt the validity of my personal Mormon beliefs. Apparently “deprogramming” (emotionally) is a tad more difficult than “deconstructing” (intellectually). Eventually I experienced what I call my “second enlightenment”, which was the realization, expressed so clearly in these videos, that the guilt and shame associated with exploring my sexuality only existed within the context of my Mormon beliefs–that the Mormon church was decades behind what the rest of the world had already discovered about the “normality” of sexual behavior–and that realization finally gave me the courage to stop depending on the Church for either emotional support, or for moral direction.
Since then, I’ve discovered things about my sexuality that I know I could have never even dreamed of as a TBM. I’m sure I’ve got a lot to learn still, but now I can move forward at my own pace, maybe have some beautiful experiences, maybe even suffer the consequences of stupid mistakes– but what’s important is that I can do all this without the fear of eternal damnation hanging over my head. I think this is what Thoreau meant by “living deliberately”.
One more thing. I have to say I’m extremely grateful to friends and family around me (Mormon or otherwise) for responding so well to my choices. Maybe I’ve just been lucky in this regard, but the whole experience has left the impression that this is one issue where the members of the Church (particularly the younger generation) seem to do a better job of loving and tolerating than the doctrine does. In particular, no one ever shut me out for being gay. I find it therefore extremely ironic that TBMs are so fond of saying that “the Church is perfect even if the membership isn’t.” I wouldn’t be surprised, however, to discover that the tolerance I’ve experienced as a gay man is not enjoyed by other “deviants” (married “porn-addicts”, for instance), since the latter group are decried so much more vehemently by the Church leadership than homosexuality is (with the possible exception of Boyd K. Packer). I would never have supposed that there was anything harder than being a gay Mormon–so my heart goes out to everyone suffering sexual repression at the hands of the Church, whatever form it takes.
Thanks for your input and honesty Sammy. I am so glad you were able to see through the deception and find happiness in your life!
Hey Sammy,
Are you on reddit.com? If not you should join reddit.com/exmormon. Send me a message there and I will get you my contact info so we can be friends on fb if you are willing. My user name there is celestialbound.
The situation described in these videos is almost a perfect description of the cycle I went through in my own marriage. Sadly, the marriage came to an end due to the emotional walls that were put up between me and my spouse.
I too considered suicide and for the last ten years of my marriage and my membership in the LDS faith, suicide was a constant daily temptation…all because of this issue. I remember several times of pulling a gun out and putting it to my head and imagining myself pulling the trigger. The emotional walls resulted in our separation and it became so painful that I finally decided it was time. I was never going to be good enough for God, my wife had rejected me and my children were convinced that they were better off without me in their life. Thankfully a dear friend of mine offered me a priceless gift…that of unconditional acceptance.
I see posts like that of JimP, Kt, and Matt, whose unilateral condemnations which align perfectly with that of the Mormon church and I think to myself…how sad…their need to be right outweighs their sense of compassion. They are unable to strip themselves of their programming and give an unprejudiced look at the damage done to people “in the name of God.”
The leaders in Mormonism often decry sexuality as a “baser” instinct…in tones that remind one of having stepped in dog feces. What too many people don’t understand is in this case “base” is also a synonym of “foundation.” Our sexuality is one of the foundational building blocks of our own identity. Every interaction we have in our life is colored by our gender…as are all of our relationships. By telling us how “evil” our normal sexual appetites are, the church has effectively poured acid on our foundation, weakening it and damaging the relationship with the one person who is (or should be) the most important person in our life…our spouse.
Study after study has shown how masturbation is nearly universal (normal.) Nearly all men and better than 80% of women masturbate regularly. By attacking it and defining masturbation as “evil” the church has (and is) continuing to do vast psychological damage to men, women, and to undermine the success of marriages within the LDS faith.
Awesome comment Max. Thank you for your honesty and insights. I couldn’t agree with you more.
Your sexuality is the vehicle used by religion to make their presence necessary.
Hello,
Thank you for sharing these stories. Your marriage and your journey is very inspiring. I post here now, in part, because I am TV producer at work on a series about relationships and love. We are looking for honest and expressive individuals with a unique (and universal) story to share. I am wondering if the two of you might be interested and I would love simply the opportunity to tell you more about our project and to hear a bit more about your relationship. I can be reached via email at relationshipcasting2011@gmail.com.
Thank you for the consideration.
Mary
Porn by itself is not bad and anything taken to the extremes becomes bad this includes drugs, porn, sex, religion, money, etc…
Here’s an excerpt from my missionary journal dated February 21, 2004 in Mexicali, Mexico. Note that I was imbued in a culture of manipulative tactics from my mission president (who was recently called as a general authority in the 1st quorum of the seventy-a very high position in the Mormon hierarchy). At the time I truly believed everything that he said. I thought he was clairvoyant but he used these tactics so that he could increase baptismal numbers. Names have been changed to keep confidentiality.
“I am a horrible person; I’m not worthy at all. I feel like blah. Well, me and my companion stopped working my companion doesn’t want to do anything. I think because this morning Adam’s wife told us that he didn’t want to talk to anyone nor does he want to know anything about religion. That really discouraged me today and well I was pondering throughout the day if I really was clean and if I really am worthy to have the spirit of the Lord. I know that right now I am not worthy for I haven’t repented of the wrong that I did during my mission about four months ago. It is hard. My companion back then was Elder F. He was a very feminine person and at first, I wanted to stay away from him. I made the mistake of being too confident in what he would say. The relationship almost went sexual I didn’t have any sex with him nor did I pet him nor did I do anything but I did struggle with an attraction that I had with him. I know that I felt it strong but I knew I had to keep away those feelings. Sometimes those feelings come again and I wish to have them never. I want to serve the Lord and I want baptisms, converts but this thing has been haunting me for almost four months. That’s why I feel unworthy or worthless and that I am a horrible missionary and all the failures that has happened during these four months is because I haven’t told my mission president my weakness for fear that I will get sent home early. Truly I would like to finish the mission and “RETURN WITH HONOR”. That is why I beg for mercy and I think it has affected several of my companions including this one. My companion doesn’t want to talk to me and well. No one understands me. I want to be successful and I do want to get sealed in the temple someday. I want those things so badly. All I want to be is happy to fell relief and that my burdens may be light.
I truly need the Saviors help. I want to be clean to be free and to be lifted up. It really has been tough for me during these last few months. I realized that I need to be clean and that way the savior can help me but I am scared. I do not want the humiliation from other people. I want to change for the better. I want to be strong. I want to progress. I want to do the right thing! I think about how many times we crucify Jesus and pierce his hands and do everything just to satisfy our own wants.
Well, my companion suggested that we arrive home and well I am glad because now I can write and put it away. The phone rang while Elder Carrera was in the bathroom and he asked me if I answered the phone. I told him no because it might have been the offices. He then responded that they know that we are here and he stated that the AP’s are going to come tonight and I asked him why. He stated because we didn’t have the spirit today because we were wandering around and I didn’t do anything. We went to look for several referrals but they weren’t there. I guess my companion got discouraged and then suggested that we come home. Right now he is lying down and I guess he is upset.
Gosh, I am a terrible person. Why can’t the Savior help me? I need his help! If the AP’s do come and read this well I hope they can help!
The Savior truly does love me and I need the Holy Ghost and his guidance. The gospel is true. I need it. The Savior wants me to humble myself and confess to the mission president then will I receive the blessings that I need and you know what, I know that I am going to still stay on my mission until I am don on June 14th, 2004.”
My Retrospective Commentary April 2011:
I was homophobic at the time and I didn’t want to associate myself with my companion Elder F. back in Sept of 2003 because I suspected that he was gay and I had a jacking off problem (though it occurred every 3 to 4 months). I realized thought that I started to have feelings for this companion. Although we never kissed, we only hugged and somewhat caressed each other in a non-sexual manner. It was February of 2004 and I didn’t have any baptisms for 4 months so I felt this guilty. To non-Mormons, if you don’t baptize people in a high baptizing mission, then the mission president (leader of all the 180 missionaries) would question your if you have been obedient. I was afraid to reveal my guilt feelings for fear of leaving the mission early, though there were times that I wanted to leave in secret. In Mormonism, if you leave before you complete your two years as missionary, you are stigmatized in Mormon society—you definitely want to avoid that—I remembered how my fellow missionaries in Tijuana would gossip about those “lost” missionaries that got sent home early. In retrospect, I felt guilty because my depression, naiveté, and paranoia.
My obsession with keeping all the mission rules and being perfect adversely affected my relationships with my missionary companions. It is Interesting that I willpower to finish the mission—to be courageous. As a result, I am a better person. I’m glad this saved me in many respects. I remembered that if you had any sexual feelings that you should just “Turn It Off” and it would go away. In the mission field, everything is controlled like the Red police. Personally, I thought that Elder Carrera tattled or called in secret about not having the spirit. In the mission, you are encouraged to tattle tale if there are any conflicts (I fell on this trap also, though I would always lose and my companions would win the argument) or if your companion broke the mission rules and the Mormon commandments. I didn’t do anything wrong—to this day I may never know whether or not he tattled. Elder Carrera was a miser, he liked to find fault with everything. I wanted to work but whenever we didn’t have any success, he would blame me—it was interesting to note that about a month or two later, members of the congregation didn’t like this elder because he was a grouch–that brought me some sense of relief. In retrospect, I personally believe that the AP’s (Assistant to the Mission President) would have never helped me at all because used their power to their own advantage—they particularly enjoyed humiliating other missionaries by ‘planchando’ them (missionary slang for scolding). Interesting that one of these AP’s wanted to friend me on facebook and I de-friended him, it was sweet revenge. I still ‘knew” that the Mormon Church was true but based on what evidence? Emotion? I think I wrote this dogmatic statement so that I could reinforce my beliefs and linger in my guilt. Neither the mission president nor the church was the problem—I was the problem. Ironically, the same mission companion Elder Carrera wrote a thank you and contact info and wrote “No pasa nada!” a Mexican phrase meaning, nothing will happen.
Nothing did happen—I finished my mission by June 14, 2004 and with HONOR, though at a cost of dealing with a humiliating reprimand. I did confess to my mission president about my same-sex attraction but he was very condescending. He treated me like crap and then he basically stated something “Me lavo mis vestidos” “I wash my garments” what does that say? Sad that I trusted this guy and me being the naïve person that I was, took everything for granted. Those words made me suicidal if it wasn’t for Elder Garfield, my zone leader at the time, I probably wouldn’t have been here writing this today. I’m grateful for his help. In a twist of fate, I first confessed to him about my same-sex attraction and then he told my mission president. I made a written confession to my mission president in June of that year, and best of all “No pasa nada!” Nothing happened, I wasn’t excommunicated. I did return HOME WITH HONOR—it was one of the most ironic things that my mission president did. I think he did it because he knew I would have committed suicide or something of that manner and he knew that my blood would have been on him. I will never forget that last phrase that he stated on my exit interview “Me lavo mis vestidos”. Yes you may have said this like Pilate, but your garments are stained with blood for what you did, for your manipulative tactics.
I was able to free myself of organized religion and now I’m proud of being openly gay. IT GETS BETTER! As an unbeliever of organized religion, I am much happier that I am myself. Although, I no longer believe in the divinity of Jesus, the fact that I was taught that Jesus was an all-loving person gave me the comfort and strength to move on. To my LBGT friends, colleagues and those questioning their sexuality, it does get better and my garments are clean from the deception of religion and the lies that they invoke on society.
Amazing story Ruben. The manipulative LDS veil is thick. It is difficult to think clearly. I am so glad you had the courage to believe in yourself, to love yourself, to avoid the choice of suicide and trust in your own thinking. This is a huge paradigm shift that most people do not make in their lifetimes because it is scary and “unmapped”. When “the path” is described as “narrow”, I think it means this path, the path of thinking for yourself and trusting your own decisions. Anyone can follow a religion with an alpha male that will make all your decisions for you, there are thousands, pick any one you want, “everyone” is doing it.” So Congratulations on being brave enough to choose “the road less traveled”! I am grateful you have good friends around you now who love you and support you for who you really are. In reality, this is what we all want.
Thank you so much for sharing your story here Ruben! I’m glad you are alive to tell your story!
Same with the employees at Pixar and Apple!
This was a beautiful and brave discussion. Thanks for sharing
Thanks so much for having the wisdom to see how needful this kind of honesty is and the courage to voice it. I too suffered for many years as a teen, then as a missionary and later as a young father, with occasional masturbation and pornography. I experienced extreme psychological dysfunction which manifested as a belief that I was being overcome or ‘possessed’ by the devil and his angels. Many times I awoke in the night in abject terror, hearing strange noises in my head, believing I ‘saw’ dark spiritual beings in my room, and feeling unable to move at times, as if an “unseen being from the spiritual world” was controlling me with great force, and trying to destroy me. These experiences were frequent and persisted throughout my life whenever I was sexually active in any way that wasn’t sanctioned by the church: sex before marriage, masturbation, or viewing pornography.
Interestingly, all of these experiences stopped happening when I left the church and began to live my life on my own terms. A TBM might say that Satan was trying hardest to overpower me when I was active in the church, and when I left, he had won and didn’t need to try so hard with me. I know because at one time I might have thought the same thing. Since I no longer believe in a devil, this line of reasoning has little effect on me.
I would also like to relate that I recently received a letter from my 18 year old son who related to me that he developed an addiction to porn at around age ten, that he had been tortured by guilt and shame for years because of it, had considered suicide, and had indulged in self-flagellation (beating himself with a dog-leash to the point of drawing blood), all because he couldn’t control his natural sexual inclination to view pornography and masturbate. Unfortunately, he told me this in the context of explaining to me that he had finally been “delivered” from his sexual deviousness by God and is now preparing himself to serve a mission. I worry for him, and wonder how he will handle it the next time he “slips up”. Will he be another statistic, one so badly damaged by the church’s false teachings and brainwashing that he finally makes a fatal decision?
Now when people tell me that the church is basically a force for good in the world, I no longer believe it. They say it does alot of good and teaches good things, therefore why condemn it just because it doesn’t work for me? And I know in my heart that because it was all based on a hoax and subsequent lies, it is at its heart, a bad thing. It is only being maintained by lies, and therefore cannot be good.
Greg I hope things work out for your son. I’m glad these videos spoke to you, and I hope they continue to help others in the future!
I feel encouraged seeing these videos and reading all the comments here. I was not Mormon, but come from a repressive family upbringing. I have struggled with pornography for many years, and the harder I tried to stop, the more I binged, and the worse I felt. A few years ago, I became extremely religious in an attempt to stop. Of course, it didn’t work.
I have a question for anyone who has broken the cycle of binging and guilt and shame – how do you do it? The times that I have said to myself “this is normal, it’s ok” and then watched porn for a while, it still felt like a binge and I still felt horrible afterward. But it seems like there must be some major pressure-releasing binges at some point of getting out of the cycle. How do you handle this and reach the point where you watch pornography on a more normal level?
Thank you
Hey Mark!
Very good question. I think many people can have a difficult time moving away from certain habits – and I’m not talking about masturbation and pornography here- I’m talking about habitual thoughts and indoctrination. I read a comment one time from an Ex Jehovah’s Witness and they mentioned that they “knew” they were condemned to hell. It was sad to read the comment from someone who felt so sure about things that they could not love themselves even after separating from the group. I think sexuality can be a difficult thing to “switch on” when you have suppressed it for long periods. I listened to a podcast recently which spoke about women in the Mormon faith (or others) who are unable to “switch on” after marriage. The sexual repression affects them so completely that they no longer have the ability to have a healthy sex life. My only advice is to accept yourself for who you are and not look at yourself as broken. I know that is probably easier said then done.
Hi Mark,
Good question. I think there are a few things. On several occasions, I had to look myself in the mirror and tell myself it wasn’t wrong. For so many years I had so many people look at me and tell me it was wrong; I needed someone to tell me it wasn’t wrong…so I did.
I think you also have to tear down your old belief structures. You have to look at your beliefs about everything and question them objectively. Example: “Do I think homosexuality is wrong because I have some sort of factual basis for saying that? OR am I just accepting what I have been told?”
If you still believe deep in your heart that it is wrong to look at porn, it will continue to feel that way. You have to give yourself permission to do it, to enjoy it, to accept it as normal. As with anything, it may take some time and at first you may look at porn a lot because you’re finally allowed, but in time it becomes just a part of your life like anything else.
THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH HUMAN SEXUALITY. Enjoy!
What do you all care so much about what people believe? Why don’t you all just worry about your own lives and do what you do need to do. You think Porn is a good thing? Great. I don’t. So what the hell do you care. Stop bashing on the mormons. They are great people and I’d rather have one of them as my neighbors than any of you.
Our message is more about the damage that comes from the cycle of guilt and depression that follows from the constant condemnation of porn- not that porn is good. I personally think that the very word “porn” is used without a proper definition as well. Some forms of pornography are harmful to those that produce it and I would never condone such a thing. But more importantly, exmormons do not have a unified belief. Many will hold a vastly different opinion on this subject of pornography. But that is not the only thing addressed in these videos. The topic of masturbation is discussed. This is basically a conversation that is desperately needed, and we certainly don’t claim to have the final answer on such matters. We do believe that it is important to discuss these things because people have literally died over the self hatred that can be caused by such things. The topic is taboo- and yet it effects so many. We are here to help others and share the other side of the story. I sincerely hope you can respect that.
I am so glad that your relationship is able to be healthier and more fulfilled as a result of being honest with yourselves and your bodies! I am unmarried, but have too felt shame and guilt brought on the Mormon indoctrination and, simply put, Pavlonian effects brainwashed into me. This manifested as self loathing, i felt something was abnormal with me. Having a high sex drive only compounded the issue. When I left the church these feelings didn’t just go away, but I was able to(with the help of great friends and lots of hardwork on my own) overcome the brainwashing. I had the added benifit of being able to step outside myself and know for a fact that this way of thinking and self loathing was learned and that i hated feeling so awful. I knew what made me happy and that it was healthy and absolutely normal! I want to tell those who are struggling that it does get better and there is nothing wrong with you. Live to love yourself and everything else will seem to fall into place.
Wow.
My first thought after seeing this was how brave the couple in the video were. My second thought was how sad it was that naysayers will see this video, and try to theorize why this kind loving couple is still in moral peril.
The LDS people think they own big words like “Forever” and “Eternity” but, the LDS dogma is like a tar-baby, and the closer you get to the the core truths the more caustic the astringent will have to be in order clean the aftermath. These is a cognitive Scientist by the name of Valerie Terico who writes on “Confirmation Bias.” I would suggest her as reading to anyone who wants to understand the LDS dogma.
Bravo for the Bodie family in their triumph over those who would pervert the family. and bravo for the website that brings this type of human situation to light.
Thanks Lang! The Bodie’s definitely deserve a round of applause for being in these videos!!
These videos are so powerful and encouraging for me. My husband and I have separated, due to similar struggles and pressure from the church. We’re leaving the church and working things out. Because, similar to the wonderful couple filmed here, our life together is vastly more important than any indoctrinated value.
Thank you a million times for filming these . I can’t tell you how close to home it is, and how much I am in your debt.
I have to commend Kerri and her husband for their honesty about this issue, it is really difficult to go against the grain of LDS culture to take a stand for an alternative viewpoint, and I personally found it very refreshing. I think a lot of LDS people would like to claim this issue doesn’t affect them or their marriages, but the guilt cycle and shame is so strong that people in the church would never never admit it porn use or masturbation to others, so no one really knows how vast the issue is.
Thank you again for your honesty and courage, I wish you both a long and happy marriage together.
This is so similar to what we experienced as a married couple in the church as well! It’s so nice to hear another couple discuss the same things we do. What a relief to be away from that mindset, and to be free to experience a new level of sexual intimacy. So glad you guys made it through, and so grateful that we did as well. Best wishes to you both, and thank you for sharing your story!
There is a double standard here. Some of these people (especially Kerry) claim that pornography is not to blame. That it is the person’s own fault if they get addicted or go into the illegal stuff. Yet they are quick to say that the Church is to blame for sadness, not the people themselves. The entire basis of this website is that The Church is responsible for a lot of unhappiness. Yet when one looks closer, it’s easy to tell that it is People in the church that are creating this unhappiness. It was the way a bishop approached an issue, or the way a member condemned you. Their are two choices when faced with this dilemma: leave the church, or stay in the church and try to help make its members better. I choose the latter.
I agree, leaving the church is not a solution to all problems by any means. Counseling could be a great step for instance. But for some people, leaving the church helped immensely. For some people it didn’t. This site is to give hope to those who leave, and provide understanding for those who too often judge or condemn ExMormons. The judgments and condemnation only cause pain and loneliness. It makes for a difficult transition out of the church to a healthy and balanced life.
I liked it especially when he talked about the Lord’s admonition, “pluck thy eye out” if it offendeth thee and also with the required confession to the bishop she talks about. I think there are far better solutions than having a young kid sit down in an office with the bishop. Counsellors, peer groups… etc. would mean a lot more to certain age groups, and it might offer them the ability to see how the rest of the world sees these things.
I googled “Mormon sexuality” and found this post.
These videos clips bring up important questions. The heart of the matter, as I see it, isn’t pornography or masturbation. The response the couple had to pornography and masturbation is the issue.
The wife got to the point where she said she was ready to throw away her marriage because her husband looked at porn and masturbated. Why? Simply because that’s what she thought was the appropriate response based on her upbringing. Yet, when she stepped back and recognized all the things that were going right in their relationship, she saw that it wasn’t worth the exchange. I found myself nodding my head as she made that statement. Based on the brief information shared in the video, clearly it is not “enough” to end a marriage.
The question becomes what is healthy guilt, what is destructive guilt, and how much does this guilt play a role in the demise of Latter-day Saint families. What role does the shame of being married to a man who cannot perform priesthood ordinances or serve in Church assignments have on a wife? What is the impact of this guilt on the part of the husband? How does it separate a couple from each other and from God?
It’s a complex cultural issue that isn’t limited to Latter-day Saints or Christianity. The couple felt that part of the solution was to disconnect from what they saw as an artificial source of guilt, the Church. I doubt anyone in a position of authority was recommending the couple dissolve their married over the matter, but I’m not sure any one was jumping up and down telling the wife she was crazy for considering it either.
It stinks that these experiences contributed to the couple leaving the Church (I understand this is a former Mormon forum). It sounds like they chose to put the success of their marriage above any outside influence that was sending them a message that they shouldn’t be together. That can be an underlying message of worthiness. It is a very easy interpretation to make.The greater effort seems to be on the part of the wife. The husband got to keep doing what he was doing without as much guilt and he didn’t lose his wife or his family. It seems her acceptance saved the marriage.
Did they have to leave the Church because she chose to accept him as he was? No. Would it have been difficult to stay active in their situation without any attempt to change? I think so. Not impossible, but difficult.
Thanks for sharing.
Their reason for leaving was doctrinal, it didn’t have to do with this issue. This was just a positive side effect of reevaluating their morals after leaving the church.
It’s natural to try to frame your own and other’s experiences in the context of what you believe; with the limitations of linear logic and constrained by the amount of content to explain oneself here, the wife’s actions could certainly be cast as choosing the “higher road” to save the marriage; however, you’re missing the critical issue of the dangerous effects of sexual repression created by the approach many religions take to managing sexual behavior. Given the human tragedy witnessed throughout history attributable to irresponsible sex (e.g., AIDS, STD’s, unprepared parent(s), broken families, fall of empires, etc.), it’s understandable that any religion interested in the well being of its members seeks to “protect” them from the potentially negative, even deadly, consequences of poorly managed sexual behavior. Yet in so doing, and perhaps out of an over-protective nature, ignorance, or out-right evil belief (however naively or unintentionally so), many religions move beyond advocacy of the “responsible” to a frighteningly traumatizing orientation towards sexuality on the whole so as to damage the mental and/or emotional health of the individual, and the very relationships and marital stability such religions otherwise promote. It’s important to separate the issues of sexual repression, masturbation, pornography and addiction … while they can be inter-related at times, they are separate issues. Ironically, it’s sexual repression that can fuel addictions. If it’s the porn that is just too much to accept, please consider the other issues that this couple has courageously discussed and for which their sincerity and openness must be applauded.
Like this couple, I too am a victim of the ignorance and trauma giving rise to sexual repression; however, in my case, pornography was not the issue. The result has been over twenty years of unimaginable suffering by anyone but those who have experienced that pain I have endured. Like other’s who have posted here, I became suicidal more than once, going so far as to attempt suicide while attending BYU (whether I feel a sense of gratitude for not succeeding depends on the day). It isn’t that I would actually want to die, my survival instinct is in tact, but the mental pain and anguish had gone on so long, for so many years … life feels pointless when you’re in daily agony and despite years of prayer, fasting, temple-attending, and medical intervention, one doesn’t get any better.
I was a “poster child” of Mormon upbringing, active church attendance, seminary graduate, Eagle Scout, obedient missionary, BYU degree, marriage in the temple. I generally found my pre-mission life happy … I had loving parents in an upper-middle-class standard of living … I can’t complain. But something happened in the months approaching my mission; something from which I’ve never recovered, having eliminated my capacity for any semblance of a subjective quality of life; in fact, I’d be content with just the absence of pain … happiness is something I can barely remember from my youth.
If you think about, there aren’t really any positive words about sex or sexuality in the Mormon faith. Sure, you may get a “wink-wink” once you get married (which in some ways only amplifies the “naughtiness” of its projected nature by religion, ironically giving more power to the very behavior it wishes to control), but in general, there’s a litany of words to form a guilt-laden and shameful association with sex and therefore, sexual feelings, resulting in the inevitable situation of hating oneself; self-loathing, because no matter how much one tries not to be, human beings are designed to have sexual feelings … to want to have sex … a feeling that continuously winds itself up until one finds an outlet, only to start winding itself up again. One could say, sexuality is the most powerful human emotion because the survival of the human race depends on it. But if one is inundated with the words like: unworthy, impure, unclean, unholy, carnal, sensual (not in a “good” way), lascivious, base, offensive to God, perverse, profane, fornication, second worst sin next to murder (the list goes on) … really, what can one expect a young, impressionable, well-meaning and authority-pleasing Mormon to conclude other than that sexual feelings are inherently bad … and under a watchful God, continuously reviewing one’s deeds and scanning one’s brain for any unclean or impure thought. Imagine a cruel psychological experiment, taking an entire group of children and teaching them in a similar way to create such negative associations with eating … to so thoroughly program, indoctrinate and otherwise brainwash those children into believing that their desire to eat is bad, shameful, and something they need to suppress? Surely, the would come to resent their bodies, that they felt compelled to eat, and then feel disgusted with themselves for such little self-control; hating their urges, their bodies, and then themselves. Such is sexual repression; and it is that which truly corrodes the soul, destroys marriages, and makes young people want to commit suicide and/or cut off their genitalia.
Like many young men preparing for a mission, I found myself especially attending to my spirituality so that I could be “worthy” to go on a mission, reading scriptures, taking religion classes, focusing on moral behavior and clean thoughts. And yet, as I would later come to understand as very normal, especially for a male, and something that most of my peers were doing the same, I found myself one day alone in my bedroom, stressing over a biology exam during my first semester at BYU, two months before my mission. In my mind, I “succumbed”, albeit momentarily and not to full fruition, touching myself where I wasn’t “supposed to.” The years of programming kicked in, and the horrific guilt and shame overwhelmed me … “I’m a failure, what have I done!?” I thought, “even worse, now I am impure, unworthy to go on a mission.”
The weight of my burden eventually compelled me to confess and it was there I was told that missionaries usually aren’t sent home for masturbation; which I found both relieving and confusing (not “so bad” but “offensive to God” … which is it? Unfortunately, the damage had been done; a kind of psychological trauma for which I have never fully recovered. So here we take an otherwise perfectly healthy young man, good grades, scholarship to BYU, a model of the strappling warrior of the 21st century … in one small moment of innocent weakness, all future happiness destroyed. While on a mission, I developed a kind of obsessive-compulsive need to confess; if the overwhelming pain and guilt and shame could not subside, then there must be a reason, something I still need to confess to make me worthy again … I made weekly stops to the Branch President, and then the Mission President, finding yet more imperfections in my life, confessing behavior as young as four year’s old when got the girls to show me their panties in Sunday school. But despite the continual pain and agony, I forced myself to continue, convinced that is was the “price” I had to pay for my transgression … it was my Calvary. Taking a break, much less getting help for what had clearly become an emotional disease was not an option; I did this to myself (I thought) and I had no one else to blame … letting it impact my mission would only compound my sinfulness and shame.
I endured my mission through agony and pain that is indescribable, forcing myself on the outside to look as if nothing was wrong, obedient to the spirit and the letter of the law, insuring that no one else’s salvation would be compromised due to slacking on my part, much less that momentary failure month’s prior … I endured to the end. And while I would later come to find out that most male missionaries masturbate at some point on their mission, I was sufficiently traumatized as to manage to abstain the entire two years. Thankfully, once home, I found my way to counseling, which taught me to cope and survive, but did nothing for the pain. I then embarked on years of pharmacological experimentation by physicians and psychiatrists, unable to find any medication that took away anguish; unfortunately, despite all the advanced of medication, there is not yet a good medication targeting profound shame and guilt.
There is much more to this story, but the point I wish to convey is that the sexual repression that I too once thought as simply an excuse for irresponsible promiscuity is very real, and it has very broad and far-reaching implications with tragic consequences. I suppose I’m lucky to be alive, but there are many others who succeeded in ending their pain through suicide and/or self-mutilation. The Church’s approach to sexuality is repressive, not because it teaches the need to make responsible choices in regard to sexual behavior, but because it attempts to motivate such responsibility by associating perversion with sexuality, promoting ignorant and traumatizing beliefs that pit people against themselves, setting them up for failure whereby they hate their bodies and then themselves, trying repress natural feelings and inevitably failing to do so; when sexuality could otherwise be a healthy and healing part of a positive human experience. Religion can poison the soul in regards to sexuality, creating much more unhappiness than the unhappiness it intended to avoid in preventing “sin.”
Newton, you are clearly a very bright and articulate individual. It would be a shame to see your life in shambles over this. You clearly now know that your feelings were completely NORMAL and it was only the horrible indoctrination that so many religions teach that made you have such guilt and shame.
Please understand that you were NEVER the problem. Your post makes me angry and sad because I have a ruined marriage and broken family because of religious sexual repression and I hate to see the obvious pain you suffer as a result of the same. Please find some way to rid yourself of the guilt. You do not deserve it. I sincerely hope that you find peace here in this life. You only get the one so make the most of the time you have left to enjoy your sexuality in whatever way (responsibly and with consenting adults of course) that you wish. It really is OK. God gave us this urge for survival and I truly believe for us to enjoy!
I am an ex Jehovah’s Witness, and I’ve been out for some time now. I can’t even begin to say all this video has done for me. I, like the guy in the video, felt so guilt my whole life about this. I too considered cutting off my own penis. I prayed to God so hard to take this away from me. I wished so bad that I could just have a switch to turn it off. I even contemplation suicide. Its weird to me that even though I’m not a “suicide” pron person, how often it seemed to be a “solution” to my problem. I think that is because I thought God would read my heart and still Resurrect me. I’m so glad I never went through with it. The scary part is, that even though I am an atheist now, I still have had fleeting thoughts of suicide over the subject of pornography. The guilt has ate at me from puberty on, and it’s nice to finally start to be free of it. I am more grateful for this video series, then ANY other video I’ve seen, or book I’ve read on my journey out the the Jehovah’s Witness cult.
Thank you so much!
Thanks so much for your comment! I’m glad these videos are helping so many people.
I grew up Mormon in Utah County, started masturbating when I was 12, and never thought a thing of it. Sure, I agonized a little later about the sex I knew was forbidden, but I don’t remember hearing a word about masturbating — in MIA or anyplace else. Did I miss something, or was it just assumed way back then (late 70s) that girls didn’t do that, so there was no need to tell us not to? I quickly came to resent the church a couple of years or so later for all the guilt I suffered as punishment for being a sexually healthy teenager — and for the embarrassment of having to confess my private life to an angry bishop, knowing instinctively the whole time that it was none of his business — but at least I masturbated in peace.
I remember being baffled, too, at the bishop’s yelling about my “letting some boy paw me.” I didn’t “let” anything remotely like that happen; I knew full well I was an active participant and even, most times, the instigator. I thought then, and still do, that the LDS hierarchy has no clue who women are. That whole passive chastity thing we young women were forever being lectured about never seemed to apply to any reality I knew. There’s some kind of creepy fantasy going on in traditional Mormon attitudes toward women, and I wish I’d torn myself free sooner than I did. I was 20 when I left the church, but I’d love to have those years back!
Until he gets married, Mormonism pushes a guy into masturbation. It’s impossible for a guy not to ejaculate at least every three months (this is physically how our bodies are built) so if it doesn’t come out with his hand, it comes out in a wet dream. So if a guy isn’t having sex, he’s either watching porn on a computer screen or in his head.
These are absolutely beautiful videos.
I remember being 17 and feeling like I needed to repent. I went to see my bishop. He told me I had to tell him about each and every time I had “sinned”.
I thought that he was an old pervert. So left the church giggling to myself.
I’m so glad I got out of the church at such a young age. I don’t know how the couple in this video managed to stay together. But I’m so proud of them, even though I don’t know them! lol. It must have been so hard for them, and it must be so wonderful now that they’ve made it through.
This may sound strange, but I really wanted to share a story about a conversation I had with my Mom when I was a young teenager. I never really recall being told that masturbation was a sin in my home until I heard it on a Sunday morning during a service. Why, it hit me so hard I cannot say, but I remember feeling so frightened and ashamed that it was overwhelming. I can remember praying over and over again pleading for help to not sin again, to not give into temptation, yet I failed over and over again. I really can recall feeling hopeless and that there was no hope for me… My Mom and I were in the drive through lane at McDonald’s when she spoke up and asked, ” What is going on with you?” My first reaction was a thrill of fear followed by shame and I began to cry. How she was sensitive enough to gently tell me, ” Honey, its alright. Don’t cry everything will be okay and I will love you no matter what, but you need to talk to me so I can help, alright?” I felt the smallest possible sense of hope that perhaps she could help me, so I took a deep breath and told her my shameful secret. My mom looked at me with the oddest expression, pulled the car over and put it into park, reached out and hugged me while telling me that I was a NORMAL teen and that she was so sorry that I had been tormenting myself over my ‘sins’ for so long. To say that hearing her words lifted such a burden of guilt and shame would be such an understatement ! Then I asked in a panicky voice, “How do you know? Maybe God really does hate it and your just saying that because your my mom ?” She just smiled at me sadly and gave the following explanation. I believe that God created mankind. I believe that he created our amazing body that works so mysteriously and perfectly too. I also believe that as we grow from infant to toddler to teenager to adult that there are natural stages that everyone goes through. One of the biggest is when we go through puberty. Everyone’s going through such huge changes with hormones and emotions that it can be rough to experience. Then she emphasized that all people experience experienced new ‘urges’ as well and that it was completely NORMAL. Her next words made all the difference to me that day as she continued talking without any embarrassment. I also believe that masturbation is NORMAL and I don’t want you feeling badly about yourself. Masturbation is something that is private and it isn’t a problem unless you are so consumed by it that you cannot go to school, eat dinner, hold conversations, etc. She then said that since it was unlikely that I would just lock myself in my room and never come out again that I needed to stop worrying about it. Her quote was, “God made humans, humans all go through puberty, puberty brings about some fairly significant changes, these changes are normal so masturbation is normal.” Even though I was just a teen I can still remember looking at my mom with awe. She had lifted such a burden from my shoulders and had reassured me I was still a good person… I just wish I could express just how badly I felt before our talk. I really believed I was an evil, filthy, bad person who was probably doomed. In fact, later as we drove home my mother actually expressed anger when I told her what I had heard that Sunday morning that started my anxiety. She expressed to me that just because someone said something while behind a pulpit it didn’t mean they were always correct. That day was one just filled with all kinds of surprises ! I just wish people/religions could be more compassionate before damning people to hell….
Thank you for that story! I wish every mother (and father) was like that … it should be published in a church brochure and handed out to all the teenagers (but alas, it won’t
. And unfortunately, the consequence for not getting out that kind of positive message about masturbation can lead to that horrible guilt, dirty, doomed feeling that your mother so lovingly lifted off your shoulders, sticking with people, permanently effecting the lives of people like me … no matter how irrational to feel such guilt and shame for a perfectly normal event over 20 years ago, it still persists, squashing any happiness or emotional quality of life, and perpetuating a kind of mental anguish difficult to describe. In fact, I cannot go inside an LDS church without that feeling becoming even worse.
My point is not pity, but education … there is an ignorant mentality that it is “safer” to take a more traditional stand when it comes to masturbation … better than the feared dangers of sexuality … and yet there are severely crippling, fatal, and life-long repercussions for taking such a supposedly “conservative” approach. Perhaps it’s the shame and guilt so many adults feel themselves for having masturbated in their youth (as most likely didn’t escape their adolescence without succumbing at least once), that makes them try even harder to prevent on the next generation, believing that the the problem lies in ever having masturbated at all, rather than that they are simply setting their children, like they were set up, for failure, creating dishonesty at best (“uh, no, I would never do that!”) and the tragedies of suicide, self-mutiliation, and/or life-long scars at worst.
My parents actually never spoke to me about masturbation … and I’m not sure I would have wanted to if my mother’s actions reflect how she would have messaged that, e.g., one day as a teenager I heard the sound of a “slap” (like a child being spanked) in the living room, and then crying from my 3 year old sister. As I entered the room, I ask my mother what happened. “Your sister was being a little pervert” was her reply as she looked all disgusted and embarrassed, unable to look at me and quickly exiting the room. Even at my age, I knew it was fairly normal for younger children to rub themselves against things like the couch or a chair. So I don’t think I would want to have heard MY mother’s “official” take on masturbation! And while my parents never said anything else directly to me, that memory was one of the messages I received, as well as the numerous church pamphlets, lessons, and neurosis inspiring “Miracle of Forgiveness” book.
Should we all have been so lucky to have had such an inspired mother as yours!
Porn doesn’t hurt families, families hurt families. I am sick of constant scapegoating, whether it be guns, pornography, or drugs. Instead of making an enemy of something, why not exercise self control, discipline, and moderation. It is a fallacy that a Church or government can protect you from yourself. Only until one reaches this realization will it be possible to find happiness through personal responsibility. Good luck to all with their struggles!
I cannot thank you enough for your courage to make these videos. Unfortunately, I found them too late. I am nearing the end of a divorce from a woman who considered my much stronger sex drive than hers to be perverted and wrong from our fundamentalist christian teaching. Since I was made to feel that my strong sex drive was my problem and she wasn’t going to meet all those needs, I just took care of it with masturbation. However, I had to hide that and live with constant guilt and frustration. You see if she caught me, she would call me a pig or worse names.
When I tried to avoid it and repress my totally normal and healthy feelings, she told me I actually started masturbating in my sleep with no knowledge of it at all. (strange, I never had any evidence left over) This also was a problem and she laid more guilt at my feet, telling me that obviously I wasn’t happy with her (well, I wasn’t tbh) This led to my sleeping separate from her and now ultimately divorcing her.
The cognitive dissonance here is just insane! So I was to believe that God made me how I am, with a sexual drive that I had, but I was supposed to consider it dirty and to distance myself from it?? The emotional and relationship problems it caused are enormous.
I am happy to say I am now with a wonderful woman who not only accepts me how I am but encourages it. When we are apart, she is happy to encourage me to masturbate and look at porn and strangely, when we are together, I have very little interest in it. My second favorite verse in the bible now is “Ye shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free”. How ironic that a verse from the bible would perfectly describe my journey away from believing that book (or any other) has anything to do with God.
Look at this couple. Seriously? SO WHITE TRASH! In all of these videos, there is not one well dressed, well spoken individual with so much as an inkling of class. It’s so funny, the people who leave the church and make these videos. Good luck!!!!!
It sure can be difficult listening to anyone else’s opinion when you are busy thinking about how you disapprove of the way they speak English.
I just want to thank you for making these videos. I have long removed the church, as much as I can, from my life. However, the residual guilt about sex continues to haunt me. It has sabotaged my life for too long. I have started blogging about my own experiences with this left over guilt in an attempt to recover. So much of what the man had to say on his experiences with porn and masturbation as an adolescence spoke volumes to my own experience. Again, thank you.
He seems so sincere. I am so moved by his emotionless rant.
My argument here is to take a stand that those that are involved with pornography shouldn’t necessarily be degraded or made out to be sexual demons. I simply argue that pornography is not necessary. In fact, I argue that you can obtain a happier and more fulfilling life without it.
What is the most satisfying thing, you as the reader, can do in your life? Really, what satisfies you? Sure I have had great one night stand events and hot women in my bed that were sexually awesome. I felt great after the fact and even after I was able to shut my mind off after a masturbation session watching pornography. Sure you get to shut your mind off and release a built up tension that may or may not, arguably, be able to be released in any other way. But truly, was it satisfying? How often do you go back for more? I would venture to say, all of the time. How often does it make you inpatient and place the opposite sex (or whatever you are into) as a symbol rather than a human being? I would venture to say, a lot. One may argue that they enjoy being placed in that position. Fine, let it be. But what I argue is that there is more to be had in a caring relationship. A caring relationship doesn’t have to be boring or monotonous, but I will warn you it is a lot of work. It doesn’t leave you lonely or instantly craving more in other places like pornography will do. It is satisfying and fills the human heart rather than emptying it. For those of you that think I am full of shit, take the challenge and develop a true relationship with someone you really love. Work on staying in love and you will find that YOU DON’T NEED PORN! Someone please tell me something about pornography that isn’t selfish. The process of pornography for most men leads them to new places and ideas. Many will argue that this is a good thing. I argue that those places can be reached in a caring relationship, and I am not talking about new positions or places to bang your girlfriend. I commenting on the emotional connection that is valued in the human sexual genome. Many guys will argue that they dont even care to know her name. I argue, what do you have when it is all over? An empty scrotum and maybe a disease or two. Is that satisfying? I say no. You are once again all alone trying to fill the gap with other women. Is the process clear why the Mormon church is against pornography. It has the power to destroy and more often than not it destroys those that use it. The Mormon church argues that the family is the most crucial unit to our existence. Past presidents have also argued that the nation is only as strong as the family units that it possesses. Teddy Rosevelt said that a nation that destroys its soil destroys itself. Some dumb ass out there just thought’, what does soil have anything to do with all of this”? It is a metaphor pertaining to our homes that we all built, be a single or married person. The soil is where we plant our roots and pornography is poison that kills it.
But what I didn’t know is what I was missing. I didn’t know how fulfilling life can be with a relationship with someone you truly love. It is satisfying, but it is a lot of work.
Every decision in life comes about in our minds and is followed or birthed from persuasion. “C’mon lets go play ball. It will make you feel good” or ” Just take one drink, it wont kill you”. Persuasion is part of the game and has a huge effect on the decisions people are making. The Mormon church takes a stand on porn to protect the sacred act of sexual relations. That is the horrible crime of it all. The fundamental purpose of sex is to bring life to this Earth no matter where you believe it comes from. It appears that the Mormon church holds that as a fundamental virtue and wishes to protect it. They also wish to protect marriage between a man and a woman. They express their right to protect it just as a man protects his right to own a gun, go to church, walk on the sidewalk without being harassed, etc.
Now, the difficulty is how many of the people in the Mormon church view the sin and judge those that are involved in it. Pornography is hit with a heavy bat in the Mormon church because it arguably involves one if not the most powerful forces on Earth: our human sexuality. Empirical data shows that if you watch porn it will lead to higher infidelity rates. That’s a fact! The process of porn on MOST human beings expresses an exciting and hardcore sentiment for something new and refreshing. Is this how it is supposed to be? According to some, Yes. According to the Mormon church you can reach something greater and more fulfilling. What projects, activities, or people in your life do you find satisfying? Really, think about it, what is satisfying in your life?
Anyways, I will give it a rest even though my thoughts are unfinished. If you want to hear more or if you want me to keep my mouth shut let me know.
This is amazing. It really puts things into perspective and helps one to realize that all of the negative things associated with anything sexual is all because of crazy teachings of the LDS church. Thank you so much for having the courage and desire to make these videos. You’re making the world a better place.
It’s very difficult to talk about these issues — this kind of courage and honesty is so rare. Even as someone far from the church, and not dealing with exactly the same issues, I feel inspired in my own relationship by your example, by your ability to overcome such deep issues and grow together. Thank you for doing this.
Joining the Mormon cult is as bad as being a Christian fundamentalist in Missouri.
Sadly, here in St Louis the police are a part of married couple’s sex lives.
They have even gone as far as raiding “swing” clubs to prevent married adults from spicing up their marriages. Masturbation, sex, and even the viewing of porn in MODERATION is normal and healthy.
You guys are awesome! This is such a huge topic I wish we all could be this open about it.
There is so much more to know and understand about this topic. I wish to share you you these links.
Take a look at this video about what God think about sex.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_AqaiB0NX-k
Also, my husband was having a pornography “problem” and he did this chakra test and we find out that the sacral chakra, that is the sex chakra was weak or close.
I think everybody should try this chakra test even if just for fun.
http://www.chakrahealing.com/
Love you all, and good luck!
The War Within: Gaining Victory In The Battle For Sexual Purity might be a good book to read. I’m reading it myself (just bought it a few days ago from Amazon) and it is helping me. I don’t want to talk too much since I find myself often thinking too much and sometimes giving bad advice, so I’m keeping this post short.
I have grown up in the the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints all my life. I have looked at intimacy from this perspective. I have had horrendous struggles with pornography, and because of the Church’s denunciation of it, my self-esteem, self-image, and quality of life was destroyed.
Allow me to make this clear, I realize now that it was not the pornography I exposed my self to that made me feel this way, for I was but an affectionate, curious teenager, but how Church leaders and scripture told I should perceive myself for being so curious and desirous of intimacy. I am now 22, and on the verge of leaving the church, and my one misgiving, I think, after all that has happened so far is this: I am afraid to fall in love.
Can someone help me to not be afraid to love a woman the way I know she deserves to be treated? I just want to feel like I am not wrong or evil for wanting a healthy, happy, mutual ly respectful and fulfilling intimate relationship with a kind and lovely woman.
Khaled on the main stage was tremendous, Raghu Dixit was top stuff as well. Looking forward to Robert Plant in the rain. Ken and Sue.
Watched your videos. How great they were!!! Me and husband just had great unrepressed sex. Happy days are here again!
There may be some thing wrong with your site links. You should have a web developer take a look at it.
This is a site I found with great videos to the truth about Pornography. Unfortunately people want to justify watching it and make themselves feel better. I only wish this couple the greatest joy and happiness in life and hope that is without them feeling they need pornography to fill any roll in their lives. It is poison and it has ruined so many people, relationships and lives. Hope people who watch this video will see what is truth when it comes to porn. http://www.fightthenewdrug.org/FTND-Videos/?video_id=15
http://wol.jw.org/en/wol/d/r1/lp-e/2011802?q=masturbation&p=parAcc
http://wol.jw.org/en/wol/d/r1/lp-e/102013082?q=pornography&p=par
after the flood of Noahs Day sexual uncleaness of demonic influence pervaded mankind,..by research and bible study bible history will teach you to stay on the side of truth, the bible encorages relations as a joy and to be intoxicated with the one you love.
http://Www.jw.org
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